Sexual Performance Anxiety: The Complete Guide With 15 Actionable Tips

performance anxiety with a new partner

Performance Anxiety

Most guys will experience a period of ED from performance anxiety in their lives.

For some guys, it will be a short phase, maybe it happens a few times and then as he gets his confidence back, and for others it can be a crippling cycle of shame, worry and completely avoiding sex.

A study in 2003 found that about one third of men experienced erectile dysfunction at least once a year.  It can feel like you’re alone in going through this because it’s not talked about, but rest assured that other guys have overcome it and so can you.

Simon’s story

Meet Simon. He’s a pretty average guy. A third year college student, relatively sporty and plays guitar in his free time. Up till now, Simon has had two serious girlfriends and a handful of one-night stands.

One night at the campus bar, Simon meets Amanda. She’s very beautiful – in fact, way out of his league, he thinks. But somehow he says the right things at the right things at the right time. And it turns out they have a lot of the same friends in common.

They toss flirty comments back and forth. She’s actually into me – I might have a chance!  Don’t screw it up!

After talking for an hour at a table in the corner of the bar, Amanda says, “I’m tired. Could you walk me home?”   It’s so on, thinks Simon. The two walk out arm in arm and walk back to her place, where it turns out, she’s not so tired.

But as they start kissing and undressing, thoughts start to creep into the back of his head. This girl is so hot. She’s way to good for me. What if I’m not as good in bed as what she’s used to?  What if she thinks my penis is small?  She knows some of my friends – what if she tells them about how I am in bed?

Amanda pulls off his pants and puts her hand on his boxers. Simon’s penis is completely limp.  She looks up at him. “What’s wrong?”

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The Secret Weapon in your Rebooting Arsenal: Meditation

Man Meditating on a Rock at the Beach

Okay, I suspect that some of you will dismiss this article just from reading the title. Meditation? Really? How is Meditation going to help me with quitting porn and rewiring my brain for real sex?

Glad you asked.

New research shows that regular meditation practice helps people quit smoking, lose weight, kick a drug habit, and stay sober.

-Kelly McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct

Meditation is a very powerful tool you can use to train your brain and increase your willpower (willpower that you can use to resist the temptation of porn). It lowers stress levels, teaches you how to handle negative inner dialogue (anxiety, worry, cravings), and deal with external temptations (images, sounds, smells).

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