This Secret Will Help You Quit PMO For Good

Quit Porn

So you’ve read and implemented my advice about finding a replacement habit and using that to reprogram your habit cycle.  And it works, some of the time.  But it’s not foolproof, and it’s not easy.

I’ve been studying and experimenting with habit change for some time now. I know what works well and what doesn’t.

If you’re a human being and not a robot, you probably find it incredibly difficult to do your replacement habit on a consistent basis when you’re first starting off.   Well, from my own recent experiments and reading on habit change, I think I’ve figured out how to make it easier on you to solidify your replacement habit.

Until a few months ago, I’ve been focusing on the intrinsic rewards of the replacement habit.  For example, lets say that the reward you get from PMO (porn-masturbation-orgasm) is physical excitement. So you decide to make push-ups your replacement habit, because it gives you a physical reward (endorphins, dopamine), thus completing the habit loop.

But then sometimes things don’t go smoothly and as you planned. You find that you don’t feel all that motivated to do push-ups each time you get a craving to PMO.  What do you do then?

The Old Way: Brute Willpower

What I used to do in this situation was to just use “brute willpower” to make myself do the push-ups.  I would just basically yell at myself internally until I finally did it.  And the physical craving would be satisfied.  But this takes a huge amount of willpower, and some of us just starting out with improving ourselves don’t have access to enough of it to constantly deal with the cravings.  And as Kelly McGonigal points out in the great book, The Willpower Instinct , willpower is a finite resource within us. So once you’ve exhausted that resource, it’s like your defenses are down.

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5 Books That Will Supercharge Your Reboot and Make You a Better Man

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I have a secret to share with you:

I am a hard case when it comes to habit change. It is a real struggle for me to make positives stick changes in my life.

There, I admitted it.

But because I am naturally such a hard case, it led me on a quest to find the best techniques for making changes in my life.

The Fighter

Here’s an analogy. In MMA (mixed martial arts), you might have a really strong fighter with so-so technique. Sure, he’s gonna win a certain amount of fights just because he’s damn strong.

Then you’ve got the fighter who has a small frame and isn’t naturally very strong. That’s me. But because he isn’t naturally big or strong, he learns the best techniques from the best teachers. Continue Reading

The Secret Weapon in your Rebooting Arsenal: Meditation

Man Meditating on a Rock at the Beach

Okay, I suspect that some of you will dismiss this article just from reading the title. Meditation? Really? How is Meditation going to help me with quitting porn and rewiring my brain for real sex?

Glad you asked.

New research shows that regular meditation practice helps people quit smoking, lose weight, kick a drug habit, and stay sober.

-Kelly McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct

Meditation is a very powerful tool you can use to train your brain and increase your willpower (willpower that you can use to resist the temptation of porn). It lowers stress levels, teaches you how to handle negative inner dialogue (anxiety, worry, cravings), and deal with external temptations (images, sounds, smells).

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Reboot Success Stories: Full Erections After 3 Months No PMO

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Hi guys.  Today, I received a great email from a reader that I want to share. James (not his real name) has been off PMO for 3 months and has seen some BIG improvements.

I love getting these kind of emails, because it inspires me to keep writing and working on ways to help more guys recover from porn addiction and porn-induced erectile dysfunction. I hope his email below inspires you guys to keep going with your reboot!

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Hey Brian,

I don’t know if you’ll use this, but I think you should. I’ve read your website and since staying off porn/masturbation/fantasy/orgasm….my sensitivity is returning! It’s amazing, I feel so much better in everything.

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3 Reasons Why My First 3 Reboot Attempts Failed

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I’m often asked in emails from readers how I was successful in rebooting. This is a great question to ask – learning from others who have gone before you is an excellent strategy. I’ve addressed some of the strategies that helped me out in a previous post.

But what is equally important is why my first three attempts at rebooting failed.

That’s right: my first three attempts at rebooting ended in relapses – the first two of which had me binging on more porn in a day than I would have normally watched in a week.

I think these causes of relapse are common reasons guys fail in their reboots, so listen up and learn from these.

3 Reasons Why My First 3 Reboot Attempts Failed

1. I was using willpower alone.

This is one of the BIGGEST reasons why I failed. The first two times, I didn’t replace the PMO habit, I simply quit cold turkey. While relying on willpower alone worked for me for a while (my first two reboots were 18 and 50 days respectively), it was draining and eventually I would just cave in.

As human beings, we have a limited amount of willpower from which we can draw upon daily. Once you use that up, you’re up a creek without a paddle. And yes, in the long term it’s possible to increase your willpower through practice and habit building (for example going to the gym or meditating), but it takes time and focused energy.

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Porn: The Ultimate Waste of Time

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Warning: this post might cause you to get angry enough to make REAL changes in your life.

Imagine how many great things could be accomplished if guys didn’t spend so much time looking at pornography.

I dare you to count up the hours you wasted watching porn each year. Just a simple calculation: average hours spent watching per day multiplied by 365 days.

Let’s say John, before he gave up porn, watched for an average of 2 hours per day (sometimes more, sometimes less – 2 hours average).

2 hours per day x 365 days in a year. That’s 730 hours, or 30 full days of watching porn. If it were all at once, that would be one full month of watching porn, without sleep.

No wonder our brains are messed up.

Think about what John could have done with that time. He could have written a novel. He could have started a business. He could have turned himself into an ambitious, attractive man that women love.

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How to Overcome Performance Anxiety: What Really Worked For Me

Anxiety

Performance Anxiety

My personal experience with sexual anxiety is not uncommon among young men recently. This is what happened:

1. I experienced a time when I could not achieve an erection with a girl who I was attracted to.

2. I felt guilt and shame because I had “failed” in bed.  I felt emasculated.

3.  It preoccupied my mind and I worried that it would happen again.

4. I thought about it so much that it slowly became a belief. I started to believe I couldn’t perform.

5. The next time I had sex, because I had rehearsed failure so often in my brain, I couldn’t perform.

6. The cycle continued and my performance anxiety got worse as time went on — as I gathered more and more reference experiences that confirmed I couldn’t perform.

This literally ruined relationships for me and caused me to become depressed.  I honestly worried that I would never be able to have normal sex again.  I was only 25 years old.

You Can Overcome Performance Anxiety

If you read the above and saw some of yourself, I want you to know that you can heal and overcome this.  I did.  I now have an amazing, fulfilling sex life.  Since recovering, I have had numerous girlfriends, flings, even one-night stands — which in the past, because of my sexual anxiety, I was always terrified of.

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