How To Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety: The Most Important Tool

Overcome Performance Anxiety

I get a lot of emails asking about how I overcame sexual performance anxiety. And I’ve found a few tried and true strategies that have helped guys that I’ve been coaching , so I want to share them.

First off, let’s figure out if it’s actually performance anxiety that we’re dealing with.

How do I know if I have performance anxiety?

A lot of guys out there think that they are dealing with porn-induced ED, when in fact they are dealing with sexual performance anxiety.

Here is a test that you can do to find out:

  1. Do you have trouble getting an erection when you’re alone with a woman, but you can get an erection by touching yourself (without porn) in the comfort of your home?
  2. Do you sometimes lose your erection when you’re with a woman – especially your first or second time with her?
  3. Do you find yourself worried about whether you’ll be able to get an erection when the time comes?
  4. Do you avoid sexual encounters because you worry that you might not be able to perform?

If you answered ‘yes’ to some or all of these questions, then you likely are suffering from sexual performance anxiety.

(Note: With porn-induced ED, the erections you get by yourself without porn just aren’t as strong as the erections with porn.  Or in extreme cases, you can’t get an erection at all without porn.)

Now let me ask you this:

  • Do you wish you could have great sex every time, and not have to worry?
  • Do you wish that you could freely have one-night stands without having to worry about whether your penis would work or not?
  • Do you wish that you weren’t dealing with this?

I’ll tell you: I feel for you, because I’ve been there.  But I’ll also say that it is 100% possible to overcome this.  I did it, and you can too.

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Sexual Performance Anxiety: The Complete Guide With 15 Actionable Tips

performance anxiety with a new partner

Performance Anxiety

Most guys will experience a period of ED from performance anxiety in their lives.

For some guys, it will be a short phase, maybe it happens a few times and then as he gets his confidence back, and for others it can be a crippling cycle of shame, worry and completely avoiding sex.

A study in 2003 found that about one third of men experienced erectile dysfunction at least once a year.  It can feel like you’re alone in going through this because it’s not talked about, but rest assured that other guys have overcome it and so can you.

Simon’s story

Meet Simon. He’s a pretty average guy. A third year college student, relatively sporty and plays guitar in his free time. Up till now, Simon has had two serious girlfriends and a handful of one-night stands.

One night at the campus bar, Simon meets Amanda. She’s very beautiful – in fact, way out of his league, he thinks. But somehow he says the right things at the right things at the right time. And it turns out they have a lot of the same friends in common.

They toss flirty comments back and forth. She’s actually into me – I might have a chance!  Don’t screw it up!

After talking for an hour at a table in the corner of the bar, Amanda says, “I’m tired. Could you walk me home?”   It’s so on, thinks Simon. The two walk out arm in arm and walk back to her place, where it turns out, she’s not so tired.

But as they start kissing and undressing, thoughts start to creep into the back of his head. This girl is so hot. She’s way to good for me. What if I’m not as good in bed as what she’s used to?  What if she thinks my penis is small?  She knows some of my friends – what if she tells them about how I am in bed?

Amanda pulls off his pants and puts her hand on his boxers. Simon’s penis is completely limp.  She looks up at him. “What’s wrong?”

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Start Here: Erectile Dysfunction and Porn Video Series

Gary Wilson from yourbrainonporn.com created an excellent video series explaining how porn use leads to changes in the brain and eventually porn-induced ED.

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