I’m often asked in emails from readers how I was successful in rebooting. This is a great question to ask – learning from others who have gone before you is an excellent strategy. I’ve addressed some of the strategies that helped me out in a previous post.
But what is equally important is why my first three attempts at rebooting failed.
That’s right: my first three attempts at rebooting ended in relapses – the first two of which had me binging on more porn in a day than I would have normally watched in a week.
I think these causes of relapse are common reasons guys fail in their reboots, so listen up and learn from these.
3 Reasons Why My First 3 Reboot Attempts Failed
1. I was using willpower alone.
This is one of the BIGGEST reasons why I failed. The first two times, I didn’t replace the PMO habit, I simply quit cold turkey. While relying on willpower alone worked for me for a while (my first two reboots were 18 and 50 days respectively), it was draining and eventually I would just cave in.
As human beings, we have a limited amount of willpower from which we can draw upon daily. Once you use that up, you’re up a creek without a paddle. And yes, in the long term it’s possible to increase your willpower through practice and habit building (for example going to the gym or meditating), but it takes time and focused energy.
2. I tried to test my erections.
While rebooting, you’ll go through many ups and downs – and the downs (flat-lining) can be pretty rough. Now that I have more experience and have read many accounts of successful rebooters, I believe testing your erections is a big mistake.
Here’s why: It’s a small step from testing your erection to “falling off the wagon” and watching porn. Once you start touching yourself, you introduce the variable of your “lizard brain” into the equation. Your lizard brain is the older, deeper part of your brain that controls your base instinct: eat, sleep, sex. It will use whatever it can — rationalization, emotional blackmail – to justify taking that one “small” step to look at porn. Make your reboot easier on yourself by not trying to test your erections.
Also, just the act of trying to test your erections (without porn or fantasy) before your system has completely recovered (i.e. before you’re getting erections naturally) and experiencing a negative result (no erection or a partial erection) pull you into an anxiety spiral. That unsuccessful test can increase your general anxiety about sex, lead to more performance anxiety when you later start introducing sex into your reboot.
3. I didn’t have the right mindset.
One of the most important things you can do is REALLY decide that you’ll never use PMO again.
Decide comes from the Latin word decidere, meaning ‘to cut off’.
When you make the decision to quit you are cutting off any possibility on using porn again. You have to know deep within yourself that it is just no longer an option in your life.
If you can’t imagine your life 100% porn-free; if it makes you uncomfortable; or if you only half believe you can quit for good, then you do not have the right mindset and it will be incredibly difficult for you to be successful in your reboot.
Look at all the shit your PMO habit has caused in your life: problems with erections and sexual confidence, relationship problems, all the time that you’ve wasted giving part of yourself to PMO.
Then there’s the effects PMO has on you that you don’t even realize until you’re off porn for good. Imagine your life without the effects of heavy porn use: No social anxiety, higher self-esteem, and more focus and concentration. Think of all of porn’s effects that have been crippling your life and know that in order for you to turn it around, you have to decide. You have to know and accept the fact that you will never watch porn again. Man up.
Was this article helpful? What topics would you like to see covered on Reboot Blueprint? Let me know in the comments!
Want to read more? Here is another great article by The Underdog called The Top 3 Fatal Mistakes Rebooters Make. Very important stuff and worth a read.
News: Recently, I commissioned a professionally recorded mp3 to help guys who have cravings for porn. It’s called “The Craving Crusher”. Yeah, cheesy. I know.
You can download it here for free:
==>> Craving Crusher mp3 <<==