How To Overcome A Porn Addiction: Advice From 10 Influential Sex Health Writers

Help-addiction

I am very excited to introduce this inspirational collaborative post including some of my favorite sexuality writers/bloggers on the topic of porn addiction.

I asked my list of 10 influential sexual health writers this simple question:

“What are 3 important factors for successfully recovering from porn addiction?”

The insight and quality in their answers really impressed me.  It’s clear they want to help and have the experience and knowledge to do so.  There’s a ton of great info and ideas in this post, and I’m sure it will be groundbreaking for many guys.

But remember: you can read all the advice in the world but none of it matters unless you take action.

Below is a list of all ten contributors. You can click on a name to navigate directly to their respective contribution. If you’re struggling with porn addiction, I recommend you read them all!

Gary Wilson from YourBrainOnPorn.com

Gregor from SexGodProject.com

Alex Allman from RevolutionarySex.com

Jonathan Doyle from StopUsingPornography.com

Andrew from LoveAndFreedomProject.com

Matt Cook from SexResearchLabs.org

George N. Collins, M.A. from CompulsionSolutions.com

Wendy from HealthySex.com

Chris Haven from QuitPornGetGirls.com

Mark Queppet from SacredSexualityProject.com

 

 

Note:  This is an epic (and very long!) blog post filled with tons of great strategies.

If you’d like, you can download this post in PDF form for free to read later by clicking the link below:

Download This Article As A PDF

 

Gary Wilson from YourBrainOnPorn.com

Guys who have recovered have come up with lots of wise advice over the past 5 years. Here are 3 of my favorite bits of advice guys have shared:    1. “Stop medicating yourself with porn every time you feel pain and discomfort.

Stress, depression, frustration, hangovers, boredom, injuries, physical pain, anxiety, embarrassment. You know what they are? LIFE.

All these bad feelings are temporary. They will all pass. If we keep taking refuge in porn and running away from pain and discomfort then we will never be able to grow as persons and become real men.

If you don’t break out of this cycle, what are you going to do when things get tough in life? Hide in your room? Become depressed? What are you going to do when you realize that hitting on girls brings up a lot of anxiety and nervousness? Run away? Make excuses? What are you going to do when you’re stuck in a traffic jam for 2 hours and you’re hungry as fuck? Complain? Hit the horn endlessly? What are you going to do when you realize that losing weight isn’t as easy as you thought it would be? Give up? Binge on junk food? Stop using porn as a pain reliever. Face reality, don’t run from it.”

 

2. “You will only be able to go long periods of time without porn when watching porn is no longer an option in your life. I call it the “Porn is NOT an Option” mindset. The men that have this mindset live as if porn didn’t exist. They completely forget about porn. They do not spend their day fighting urges. They are not “trying hard”. Urges are dismissed almost instantly. You have to be OK with the idea that you will never watch porn ever again in your life. If this idea gives you anxiety or makes you cringe, then you don’t have the “Porn is NOT an Option” mindset yet. If you’re having urges on day 17 and you’re slightly considering watching porn, then that means that in your mind you haven’t truly made the decision to quit. If you know that you’re going to be home alone this weekend and you’re worried about relapsing, then that means you’re not ready yet.”

 

3. “Stop focusing on NOT watching porn. Guess what? If you’re thinking about not watching porn, you’re thinking about porn. As long as porn is in your mind, you will have a lot of trouble letting it go. The correct approach is to just forget about it. Get clear that watching porn is not a part of your life anymore. It’s a thing of the past. Stop obsessing about what day you’re on, journaling about your misery, and hanging out too much on recovery forums. Focus your mind on the stuff that matters. Your family, your dreams, your health, your career. When urges arise, watch them mindfully. Observe them. Do not react. Do not suppress them. Do not push them away. Just kindly smile and focus your mind on one of a list of activities that you have chosen in advance for moments like this (get your heart-rate pumping with push-ups, call a friend, take a walk, meditate, fix a  healthy snack, take a cold shower, whatever).”

 

Gary Wilson
Gary Wilson has taught anatomy and physiology for many years. He is particularly interested in  the neurochemistry of mating and bonding. He hosts the website “Your Brain On Porn” for those seeking to understand and reverse compulsive porn use: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com      

 

Gregor Schmidinger from SexGodProject.com

 

1) I believe that the most important thing is to become aware of your porn consumption.

When do you watch porn? Where do you watch porn? How do you watch porn? And most importantly why do you watch porn? Becoming aware of the answers to these questions will be your most powerful tool in changing your habits which is necessary to quit porn.

2) You need to cultivate a mindset of allowing yourself to fail.

Nobody learned to ride a bike right away. We try and fall but it’s important to not beat yourself up over it or even quit rebooting. Dust yourself off, get back on the bike and try it again. Use training wheels at the beginning. You’ll get better over time until and one day you just ride the bike without thinking about it anymore.

3) Have clear and realistic goals.

If you are not sure what’s realistic, use others experiences and adapt your goals along the way. Set milestones and work your way from milestone to milestone. Instead of being too overambitious, as I might have been at the beginning, set smaller goals and milestones and make sure to step back from time to time and look at what you have accomplished. Stepping back is as important as going after your milestones and goals.

Gregor

Gregor Schmidinger is a filmmaker, artist and creator of the Sex God Project: a one year long project exploring different dimensions of male sexuality while researching and testing different techniques and approaches to transform himself into a Sex God.  

 

Alex Allman from RevolutionarySex.com

I’m not a porn addiction expert, but rather a sex and intimacy expert. Even so, I’m pleased to offer some comment on this issue because in working with hundreds of men, women, and couples, I am deeply aware of the rapidly growing and negative effect that porn addiction is having on couples.  And I’ll tell you something:

I’m frightened.

There is a coming tsunami of sexual dysfunction from the younger generation that is going to ruin relationships, break hearts, crush marriages, and leave confused unhappiness where there might have been epic love and deeply felt intimacy in the bedroom.

I mention my fears because I believe the #1 tip for overcoming any addiction is motivation.  And the highest motivation is most often fear.

They say that no addict ever makes the deep and lasting commitment to change until they hit rock bottom.  Spend some time with addicts listening to their stories and you’ll hear about the failed attempts before their entire life unraveled into total loss.  So maybe you need a woman you love to leave you, or maybe you need to reach the suicidal loneliness of realizing that your entire romantic life involves your relationship with a machine… or maybe you already know the truth:  That you can no longer connect with a living, breathing woman.

I went through a period of being single, stuck in a small town where there were very few dating opportunities, and I began to masturbate frequently with porn.  I was already writing sex advice for couples at the time, considered an expert, and I was amazed at how quickly I got sucked in.  I began losing days of work surfing porn sites.  And yet I didn’t fully appreciate what was happening to me until I was in bed with a woman and caught myself furiously trying to recall an exciting porn image in order to get hard.

Fortunately for me, I had a long foundation of healthy sex before porn and I recognized what was happening to me and had a lot of tools available to stop.

At that time I had already been counseling several younger men about the dangers of imprinting their neurology with pornography.  I did not imagine that it could happen to me.

Like I said, I was lucky.  I got out before it got too deeply ingrained.  It was easier for me.

So tip #1 was your nightmare motivation, and I want to tell you that tip #2 is equally important, which is your “towards” motivation – the carrot:

As you may have heard, when you quit porn your natural libido returns and you feel more alive, more masculine, more in touch with your natural horniness… and women FEEL that.

So it’s a chicken or egg question if I was turning to porn because of the small dating pool on the small island where I was living, or if I was simply not dating enough because I was spending too much time jerking off.  But the bottom line is that after I quit, I started getting laid again, and often.  And shortly after that I met my wife.

Here’s the other part you may not have heard:  The rewards of giving up porn extend beyond making you more attractive to real women.   You also gain the capacity to create a different and distinct pleasure in your sex life that is entirely different from mere sexual release and the pleasure of orgasm.  When you are present with a woman you care about during love making, there is a mutual surrender and mutual acceptance that is, perhaps, the most rare and most pleasurable of all human experience.

I want this to happen for you.  You want this to happen for you.

Neuroplasticity… the act of intentionally changing the mental patterns that rule our lives (and the root of breaking addictions and habits and forming new ones) is driven by attention.  It is worth noting that watching porn even for an INSTANT will re-inforce the addictive neural nets.  It is further worth noting that beating yourself up over the urge to look also feeds attention to the neural net.

So, finally, the third tip is to recognize, embrace, and laugh about your ultimate humanity.  Be gentle with yourself.  Be prepared for setbacks and failures and just know that this is part of the journey of being a human.  Remember that every hero’s journey is fraught with challenge, and that the easy way doesn’t make a very interesting story.  Your sense of humor and ease around the struggle, your refusing to beat yourself up over being a human, is the best way to starve attention out of the habitual pattern.

So, perhaps you have this porn addiction to overcome.  It is among the many challenges that, in overcoming, will build you as a man, and will write the fascinating story that you will one day look back on say, “That was my life.”   The tragic story if you fail will also be an interesting one.  But the one where you win out in the end is the real audience pleaser.  Remember that the next time you are battling the urge to just look for a MINUTE… that this is your heroic challenge, that it’s okay to face pain and that it’s okay to be imperfect.  If you can, have a laugh at your own expense.  Smile, and get the hell out of there.

 

Alex Allman is the author of the best selling REVOLUTIONARY SEX programs  Alex Allman for enhancing sexual pleasure, creating deeper intimacy and communication, and deepening sexual confidence.  Since 1993 he has been studying and refining his heart-centered theories on sexuality and relationships. Through his writing, lectures, videos, and public appearances, he has helped tens of thousands of men, women, and couples achieve greater confidence, intimacy, relationship health, and love.   

 

Jonathan Doyle from StopUsingPornography.com

 

Go To The Source

Most of the time pornography is a symptom of something that goes much deeper and usually has a much longer history. Over many years speaking to thousands of men I have learned that so many times each man carries a past of trauma or pain and long ago pornography became their default source for comfort. Trying to white-knuckle it out by willpower alone usually creates further feelings of guilt and shame and so the cycle continues. Men struggling with addiction need to access the help of qualified clinical psychologists or counsellors who can commence this process of uncovering the deeper wounds that drive addiction. It is a brave journey to commence but the payoffs are huge.

Get Around Good Men

The people who developed the original 12 steps program brought some powerful to the world. One of the things they knew is that we rarely accomplish anything extraordinary without the help of good people around us. Men are usually terrible at reaching out to other men and forming supportive groups and networks. It is absolutely crucial to join or start a group of men who can support you on the journey of recovery. These need to be men who you deeply trust and with whom you can share anything. You need a safe place with solid brothers where you can tell the truth, open up your pain and confusion and discover you are not alone. That last sentence is important. Addiction convinces the addict that they are the most shameful, awful person on the face of the planet. It creates a terrible cycle of isolation. Once you start to travel with other men on the journey of honesty and discovery you discover that you are human and broken but definitely not alone.

Build A New Foundation

A lot of the time men dealing with pornography addiction have lives that are out of control across the board. This will often show up in issues like lack of proper diet, sleep, and exercise and, importantly, the ability to have fun. Usually, the shame and pain are so strong that the addict hates himself or herself and treats themselves worse than they would treat a stray dog. A key step is to slowly rebuild balance in lifestyle areas such as overall health. It is also really important to rediscover how to have fun. Recovering addicts need to rediscover what brought them joy in life long ago and then go and do a load of that. It might be golf, fly-fishing, surfing or painting but whatever it is it must become non-negotiable. Men in general find it really hard to have fun as they get older. They think it might be selfish or immature. Until they learn to treat themselves as they would a beloved child then they will stay trapped. Have fun! It is not negotiable on the path to recovery.    Jonathan Doyle

Jonathan E Doyle MLMEd is an author, international speaker and Internet entrepreneur who has delivered live seminars to over 300,000 people. He can be found at www.jonathandoyle.co and www.stopusingpornography.com (website no longer active)  

 

Andrew from LoveAndFreedomProject.com

Far and away the most important factor is having a supportive community. Kicking any addiction is hard, but the research shows us again and again that people who are backed up by a supportive community do better. It especially helps if there are visible examples of people who have achieved long-term sobriety — think of the usefulness of the stories alcoholics hear in AA. Making some type of community participation a part of your life is important for as long as the addict wants to stay in recovery, in my view. Luckily, there is a great community at reddit/r/nofap — one of the best internet forums I’ve seen, in fact, particularly because it’s one of the few places on the internet where hot-button topics such as religious differences don’t get out of hand.

The second most important factor would be physical health. I really can’t overstate how important it is to get your physical body restored to natural working order. By this I mean sleeping enough, eating higher quality, cleaner food (no processed foods, no sugar, no alcohol, moderate to little caffeine) and working out regularly.  The constant stress in the modern world is literally toxic. Most of us are under-slept and over-stressed and eating crap, and then we wonder why we have bad coping habits like porn or binge drinking. The good news is, any improvements you make to your physical health pays dividends in terms of increased willpower and lowered stress, and this makes it easier to continue improving your life.  I recommend guys start with green tea & meditation — two easy, inexpensive actions most anyone can take that both have big benefits relative to their costs.

Third and finally — Purpose. You need to have a really good reason for doing this. Deprogramming this brain habit that’s been so deeply ingrained, often over a decade or more, is going to be really tough, but it’s doable if it’s in service of a larger goal. Even if it’s something as abstract as ‘freedom’, the desire to be unencumbered by any personal compulsion, will work. I know a lot of guys are doing this for a spouse or girlfriend, even one who hasn’t shown up in their lives yet. Or they’re doing it to reclaim their innate masculinity. Or so they don’t have to hide this compulsive behavior from their kids. There are probably as many good reasons as there are people. It makes me think of what Nietzsche said, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.'”     AndrewRLong

Andrew runs the Love & Freedom Project, a website aimed at shining the spotlight on people who work to bring more love & freedom into the world. He was moved by the NoFap community to put together a free “30-day NoFap Challenge” eBook and email course.    

 

Matt Cook from SexResearchLabs.org

3 important factors for successfully recovering from porn addiction?

Kicking porn seems to be a very easy, easy thing until you try it. And specifically, until the going gets tough, which it will.

I will give you just one thing to do, but it will make a huge difference. Focus on this one thing and your chances of success are almost guaranteed.

Let me explain.

The problem with getting rid of an addiction is that you can’t NOT do something. Our brains don’t work that way. We need something ELSE to do. And we need to decide that something else, in advance, before the moment gets hot and we can’t think clearly because our addicted brain is kicking in.

The most important factor to recover is determining what to do in advance, when the moment arrives when you would otherwise use porn.

This is called finding replacement behaviors.

There is a reason you use porn, beyond just getting off. Porn use can eliminate boredom. Make loneliness feel better. Help you get to sleep. Avoid nasty confrontations with your wife about sex.

I call these “jobs” that porn does for you in your life.

So you write down the jobs that porn does in your life. And you determine a replacement behavior. For example, let’s say you use porn to lessen loneliness when you are by yourself. So you write down, in advance, in a few quiet minutes, “if I’m home by myself I will read a book/take a walk/go to Starbucks”. You pick one of these. And this is your replacement behavior.

You’ll find that figuring these out in an “if…then” format and then behaving accordingly makes kicking porn and recovery much easier.

Matt-Cook

Matt Cook is a noted sex expert and director of http://www.SexResearchLabs.org and author of many books, his latest to be published shortly is Hard For Life: the T Liftoff Formula. You can get his acclaimed report “Better Than Pills” at SexResearchLabs.org

 

George N. Collins, M.A. from CompulsionSolutions.com

 

You Are Not Your Mind

It was no accident that Doug couldn’t stop watching porn. There were definite reasons. One of them was Doug’s mind was telling him a story about watching porn and Doug was listening. “Of course he was listening!” you might respond. “How can you not listen to your mind?” I’m here to tell you that you’re not your mind, or your thoughts, or your story. If you don’t believe me, read on.

You Are Not Your Story

One reason you have an addiction could be that as a child you began to believe a story about yourself. But, unlike other stories you took in, such as Star Trek or Harry Potter, you believed that your story was true. Why? Because your story served a very important purpose: It made you feel better. At least temporarily. As a child, believing your story may have been a way of coping with situations or emotions that you felt were out of your control. As an adult, you also have situations and feelings that cause you stress or distress. You want to feel better. So you go back to your story. And you might feel better watching porn and having an orgasm, but it does not last. You then may feel shame and loneliness. Why? Because the story is not true. You don’t end up feeling better. But you keep believing the story is true because something is telling you it’s true. Your mind. But the real truth is…

You Are Not Your Mind

When your mind sends you a thought such as, “I’m hungry. Let’s get a slice of pizza,” you believe that it’s true. And, in that case, it probably is true. But your mind also sends you thoughts that are not true, such as: “Let’s take a break and watch some porn. We’ll feel better.” Again, there could be that exciting hit from watching porn and then, wasted hours later, that feeling of deflation, shame, isolation, and possibly remorse. But your mind keeps telling you to do it and you believe your mind and your story. But you can stop believing everything your mind tells you. How? It’s not easy, and…

You Always Have a Choice

At my counseling center, Compulsion Solutions, we use a step-by-step approach to break the cycle of porn addiction. A major component is that you always have a choice of whether or not to believe your mind, your thoughts, and your story that watching porn will make you feel better. The truth is that you do always have a choice.  There are many paths to choice. One is to begin to “undo” that story of your life that you still believe from childhood. Another is to train yourself to make different choices that are actually positive. One way to start is to choose to keep reminding yourself: You are not your mind.   George Collins

George Collins, MA, is a sex addiction counselor at Compulsion Solutions and is the author of “Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame” and the co-author with his wife of “A Couple’s Guide to Sexual Addiction: A Step-by-Step Plan to Rebuild Trust & Restore Intimacy.”

 

 

Wendy Maltz from HealthySex.com

“What are 3 important factors for successfully recovering from porn addiction?” 1. Commit to a process of self-awareness and rigorous honesty concerning your thoughts and behavior. 2. Build a strong support system for active recovery that includes numerous people you turn to for help. 3. Develop empathy towards your intimate partner and/or others whom you’ve harmed with your porn use.    Wendy Maltz

Wendy Maltz LCSW, DST is an internationally recognized author, speaker, and sex therapist. Her books include The Porn Trap, The Sexual Healing Journey, Private Thoughts, Passionate Hearts, Intimate Kisses, and Incest & Sexuality. Wendy and Larry Maltz LCSW, an esteemed therapist with more than 25 years of experience, provide counseling services at Maltz Counseling Associates in Eugene, Oregon. Her website is HealthySex.com.

 

 

Chris Haven from QuitPornGetGirls.com

 

1)Desire:

Simply put, the man who wants to leave pornography behind bad enough and is willing to do whatever it takes to get there will be successful in overcoming his addiction. For most men, it takes a traumatic or terrible event to jolt them back to the reality of the damage porn causes in their lives. Develop an unquenchable desire to conquer your addiction. It must take priority over every other desire you have-because every other desire you have in life will eventually be sabotaged by your addiction.

2)Willingness to Fail:

You will fail. Again and again…. and yet again. And you must rise up yet again with the same bold determination to fix this part of your life. As Paulo Coelho said: “The secret of life, though is to fall seven times and get up eight times.” Always be willing to fail, but most importantly, be willing to embrace failure as an important part of the process. Screwing up sometimes is the only shortcut to a successful recovery.

3) Learn to love yourself as a man:

Probably the greatest gift you can give yourself when recovering from addiction is loving yourself. You have to drop your ego to truly quit porn and go through the arduous recovery process. Learn to be radically honest about all your desires — especially, the deepest, darkest ones related to your addiction. Vulnerability is the first step towards loving yourself as a man and also the toughest practice for most of us. Vulnerability is also the paved road that leads to the root of your addiction.

Chris Haven is a dating coach and former porn addict. “Fifteen years ago, my sexual and relationship life were a complete mess. I couldn’t maintain a relationship, could never get laid and spend a sickening amount of time watching porn. I suffered from erectile dysfunction,premature ejaculation and terribly low self esteem. After nearly ruining the only relationship with a woman I ever had, I decided to quit porn and learn how to attract women, or die trying.” Chris’ website is QuitPornGetGirls.com

Mark Queppet from SacredSexualityProject.com

 

1. Protect yourself from your gremlin

Your gremlin is that little voice in your head that tries to convince you to do things that deep down you know aren’t good for you. The key is not letting this voice have an equal say in your actions. Gremlins can have incredibly persuasive arguments that make relapsing and watching porn seem like a really good idea in the heat of the moment. The trick is to get extremely clear on what you TRULY believe so that when a gremlin thought pops up you can identify it as that rogue part of you that shouldn’t be listened to. In order to do this, make a list of all the ways in which porn is holding you back from the life that you want, and then make a list of all the ways in which quitting porn plays into your ideal lifestyle. When you have thoughts that violate this list then you know that it’s just your gremlin and you shouldn’t follow what it says.

2. Get comfortable with discomfort

Porn is an escape behavior. It lets you run away from whatever you’re feeling – horniness, boredom, anxiety, loneliness, stress, etc. It lets you trade discomfort for momentary pleasure. The problem is that if you are always running away from these feelings instead of learning how to deal with them and the underlying issues then you create a cycle of dependence. The key is learning how to face the things that are uncomfortable to us. Everything worth getting is going to call for us to step outside of our comfort zone and breaking free from porn is no different. Here’s a video I made that elaborates more on this “Master Habit”.

3. Get help

Making it through a porn addiction on your own is an extremely difficult thing to do. Get involved in one of the great support communities that exist (NoFap on Reddit or Your Brain Rebalanced) and be an ACTIVE member. My strong recommendation is to post or comment at least once a day. The trick is that whenever you are getting triggered you immediately surround yourself with material that will keep you true to your goals (I suggest having a bookmark in your browser bar to your support site for easy access). For many people though, even with all of this they still can’t seem to shake their addiction and need additional support. Find a friend or family member who can hold you accountable or hire a coach like myself who can help you work through the things holding you back! Mark Queppet

Mark is a Life Coach, Vlogger, & Writer who focuses on helping men live a higher expression of their sexuality by turning their sex drive into a superpower! His website is SacredSexualityProject.com

 

####     It’s me, Brian again. So that’s it, all ten contributors! (note: The original post was 9, but I added one more late arrival!) Those were some really powerful ideas to help you on your journey to overcome porn addiction. I sincerely hope this post will help you guys on your recovery journey. And did you notice? Some ideas were mentioned more than once by different contributors. What does that mean? It means that success leaves clues, and these writers have studied and noticed these important clues. Finally, I owe a huge thank you to to all nine writers. Thank you for your great work in helping countless guys reclaim their lives from porn addiction. ###   News: Recently, I commissioned a professionally recorded mp3 to help guys who have cravings for porn. It’s called “The Craving Crusher”.  Yeah, cheesy. I know.  🙂 You can download it here for free: ==>>  Craving Crusher mp3   <<==

 

####

So… How would YOU answer the question: “What are 3 important factors for overcoming porn addiction?” Leave a comment and let us know!

About Brian

Brian overcame a long-standing addiction to Internet porn and fully recovered from serious porn-induced erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety. For more about Brian, see my story.

Comments

  1. This helped a lot. Everyone said something different. Good organising.

    • Hi James,

      Glad to hear that the article was useful for you. Thanks for the comment!

      • Hi, I just like to share this. We are a group of Christians trying to fight porn addiction as well and we are developing this tool called Conquer Series which is hosted by Dr. Ted Roberts. I hope it’s alright to share the link to the site so that people would know and take advantage of this great tool.

        Thanks a lot!

        http://www.conquerseries.com

        • cOSBY Kain says:

          This year may be better. Still spending too much time polluting self, not enough time honest endeavour. Change can happen. May find real job. May find human partner.

          Posting provides means for accountability. Ask at end of year how it went.

          [email protected]

          • Ron Lucas says:

            You are not alone. Spending so much time doing that thing and have been unable to have real job. Hoping things will improve. Planning that things will improve. Not only hope for other person, also honest job.

            So, ask also at end of year, probably will went good I am hope.

            [email protected]

  2. Dennis allman says:

    Like most all addictions, mine is progressive. I never thought I would be like this. I have run my own gamit of doing what I thought I never would. I have been alcohol free for 6 years, but strip clubs are nothing like putting the bottle down. I do not see a way of ever quiting. Like I have to my counselor, I do not quit, because I do not want to/

    • Hi Dennis,

      It’s a very good point that you have to really want to quit to succeed. Quitting an addiction is one of the hardest things many people ever attempt, and without REALLY wanting it, there is little hope of success.

      Thanks for your comment and for sharing your experience.

    • Robert Joseph says:

      Hi,

      Not wanting to quit is a sign that you are addicted to it. I suggest you evaluate your life now and imagine a life without that addiction. Write down the advantages and disadvantages and then you would have a better look at your current situation. Do you know that your brain is deteriorated similar to a heroin addicts brain?

  3. Adibua Robert says:

    i notice that when am with my wiFe i don’t ponder on sex..we have sex 2 times a week but i don’t want it much cos her company is enough. but when she travels i masturbate. i feel the ideas especially the you are not your mind works…but what i feel is that when am constructively engaged i never do it.when am bored i do it.so engaging good peers…having a loving wife and being constructive all day and night…365 helps alooot

    • Hi Adibua,

      Thanks for your comment.

      I agree: during your recovery, it’s important to keep busy with things that are important to you.

      Good luck on your journey!

  4. Statistics of pornography addicts in the Church:
    67% of men.
    25-30% of women.
    50-58% of pastors.
    Because sexual sin has such contemptible connotations amongst Christians, few dare to examine it for what it really is. It’s like a disease that no one wants to get close to, but denying the existence of an epidemic doesn’t stop it from spreading. Hosea 4:6 says: “My people perish for lack of knowledge…”

    As we’ve come to understand what sexual sin is and Christ’s redemptive power on the Cross, as well as the scientific facts that corroborate God’s Word, we’ve realized that this knowledge – this truth – has the power to set men free, where they no longer have to live each day with shame and guilt.

    Read more at conquerseries.com

    • Hi Robert.
      Thanks for your comment.
      I agree that unfortunately it’s a topic that not many people are dealing with these days. Although I think that soon it will reach a critical mass where people will start talking.

      Thanks for your input.

    • Solomon Cone says:

      We need to fight this as a group. Together, cut back on the unclean material and impure actions and advance fees in general. Work, honest work, it will be a distraction for all of us from this stuff.

      Today. Tomorrow, next day also. And the week after. For.
      [email protected]

  5. I cannot help but agree with many of the above comments. Some people can be in contact with porn and be fine, like others can have a drink and not be an alcoholic. My experience is that watching porn triggers excess drinking, as a way of narrowing the boundary between me and what I watch, as a way of excluding my otherwise, pretty good and fulfilling life with a loving wife. Porn for me forms the point of a constellation of self destructive behaviour which leaves me empty, ashamed and ultimately unfulfilled, and boy: can I beat myself up. I drink too much, but thankfully I do not use any other substances. I need to deal with this, and I like the idea of just forgetting about it, and yes, I am scared of being alone sometimes because the twin hell of drink and porn will present themselves. As a teenager I needed a drink to let my mind free to be with another woman, I don’t now, but this thing has seemed to take on a separate life. As I get older, the proportion of time spent suspended in front of a screen getting smashed is higher as my life goes on. I think that my way out of this is to just masturbate when this desire gets into my head, there is nothing wrong with that. My wife and I have busy lives, and our downtime doesn’t always coincide, so it is not always practical to take her to bed. I think you know when you have an issue with something, because it never, ever leaves your mind. You can replace it though, it is a journey to nowhere: I need to realise that my many gifts will be eroded by this, rather than being the reason for my journey. Love to know what you all think.

    • Hi Chris,

      I agree with you: some people can be fine watching porn. But for others, the cravings eat at us and can ruin lives.

      And I also agree that the desire to masturbate is normal. I don’t advocate “no masturbation ever” like I see on some other blogs. However, I do think abstaining from masturbation is an essential part of recovering from porn-induced ED. After that’s taken care of, I think masturbation is fine — without the porn for those that tend to take it to excess.

      Whatever we do, the best thing seems not to beat ourselves up to much when we do make mistakes. Just get back on our path and try to be the best we can be.

      Best,

      Brian

  6. Elcoguy
    • a minute ago

    I look at porn because I have
    no other sexual outlet. Despite years of trying I have never been able
    to find a woman who would agree to have sex with me and I cannot afford
    to go to prostitutes. So it seems that should I stop masturbating to
    porn I will then be celibate and, quite frankly, I think my loneliness
    has been punishment enough without adding celibacy to the mix.

    I know most anti porn sites will tell you that once you stop
    watching porn and masturbating suddenly, a woman who will agree to have
    sex with you will magically appear. Well I looked for sexual partners
    for years before I ever laid eyes on porn so somehow I doubt this magic
    girl will suddenly show up in my life if I stop using porn. Sorry, that
    dog won’t hunt, not in my case (and I suspect thousands of others)

    Find me a woman who will have sex with me and I’ll never look at porn again for the rest of my life.

    • Hi Elcoguy,

      Thank you for your comment.

      I understand that you’re lonely. And I’m not promising you that it will be easy to find a girlfriend as soon as you quit porn.

      But I will promise you that if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got. Meaning, you’re going to have to change yourself if you want to have women in your life.

      The problem is: women don’t want to be with guys who stay at home, watch porn, and have no ambition. So what should you do? Get some hobbies, make your life interesting, and have fun outside your apartment.

      I understand your frustration, but nothing will change UNLESS YOU MAKE THE CHANGE.

      Good luck.

      Brian

  7. Sophia Harris says:

    This is really a good help. This blog will really help people who are addicted to porn. But the advices that have been posted here will not be a good help when a person will not help themselves. Concentration and determination is needed. Is this process can also help those who are addicted to drugs?

    • Hi Sophia,

      Thanks for your comment.

      I agree: concentration and determination are essential. As well as the tools and information to make the change.

      As for drugs, I’m no expert there. Sorry!

      Brian

  8. Thank you so much for this article. I am addicted to porn for 4 years. I tried many times (from last year) to quit but I failed. It is now a month without watching one, I have been trying to learn more that will prevent me from doing it again. This article helps me a lot. More Thanks again to Brain.

    • Hi Damy,

      Thanks for you comment and congrats on your first full month clean!

      I’m glad that the article helped you. It’s comments like this that keep me working on the site.

      Best,

      Brian

    • Lester PEterson says:

      Spending so much time with this, dishonest very dishonest, and no human partner, but it can change. I am sure it can change. They are teaching us to think of it as not a problem but an opportunity.

      This is the time it is going to become opportunity for real human, not so much unclean movies on the net any more. Also less dishonest endeavors.

      Thank you for the encouragement words. Looking forward to. For:


      [email protected]

  9. Hi I just want to share to you how I overcame my porn addiction that devoured me for 11 long years! You can read it in my blog here: http://kristiyanongnetworker.wordpress.com/2014/02/05/the-dilemma-of-a-porn-addict/

    Thanks and Godbless!

  10. Imin adiCT says:

    I think I’m a porn addict. I watched porn for the first time when I was 18 for about a week. I watched it for a few months when I was 19. I’m now 22 and I’ve watched porn pretty much all day for about 4 days. I think I’m an addict. I don’t masturbate when I watch it, I watch them like I do YouTube videos. I just click on one, skip to the “good parts” and then keep clicking the related videos. I’m fascinated by them and also incredibly bored. The only thing is now that I’ve watched ALOT of videos in the past few days, everytime I close my eyes I see flashes of the videos. I already have anxiety, and now it’s worse because I feel like I’m going to say something perverted, look down a girls top, or make weird hand gestures. I keep misinterpreting things people say (think it means something sexual) and I can’t look people in their eyes anymore. Please help. What should I do?

    • Thanks for sharing your story.

      It sounds like your excessive porn watching is contributing to anxiety — which is not uncommon.

      As for your question: “what should I do?” It sounds like you already know what you should do, which is stop watching porn. You might start by cutting down slowly or trying cold turkey, but you will probably need some strategies to help you.

      Here’s some reading that might help: http://rebootblueprint.com/recover-from-porn-induced-ed/

      Keep us posted on your progress.

      Brian

      • Richard grimes says:

        I’ve been viewing porn for 40 years !!! I’m now 48. I found it by accident at my grandmothers’ house looking in a closet??? … Point of me commenting is even though I tried to stop to many times to remember, I resently was demanded to make a choice to A. Continue to view porn or B. lose my future inheritance. Of course, my inheritance is the proper and logical choice. Porn is my way of dealing with everthing!!! How do I begin to stop!!! How do I stop breathing. Or even immediately start to speak a foreign language? Suggestions?

  11. I am addicted to pornography. I have identified my problem after reading all this stuff and now I am clear in my mind what I have to do after ward. I am committed o get rid of this addiction and today I have passed my whole day with out pornography. let see what happens next!

    • Hi Arslan,

      Glad to hear that you’ve recognized the problem and are ready to take steps to deal with it! Best of luck.

      Brian

  12. I just want you all to know that I sincerely appreciate what you’re doing. The resources you all provide are extremely beneficial. I don’t know exactly where I’m at in my reboot (at least in terms of days w/o PMO) but I know these websites, communities, forums, blogs, videos etc. have helped me more than anything and it’s really fucking reassuring to know that they’re available. Seriously, thank you.

    • Hi Kevin,

      Thanks very much for the kind words! It’s great to hear that all the hard work does help some people.

      Cheers!

      Brian

  13. Zak Waldrop says:

    Wow, this is a great article a lot of people out there are experiencing the same problem good job.

  14. Thank you so much for this article. This post will really help people who are addicted to porn. Here many techniques are discussed to recover from porn addiction. some others and more helpful techniques to recover from porn addiction are discussed in Compulsion Solution.

  15. Ryan lucas says:

    There’s some good advice here but the most important is to recognise that your brain is your ‘enemy’ and that you can’t medicate yourself with porn.

    I use an app called Brainbuddy and I found out that 9 out of 10 times I watch porn it’s because I was feeling stressed. Now whenever I feel stressed I go for a run and I haven’t watched porn in 104 days!

    • Hi Ryan,

      Thanks for commenting, and glad to hear that you’ve passed the 100-day mark!

      I haven’t heard of that app. I’ll check it out.

  16. could be anybody says:

    Hi there. I have begun to read the articles.As this is a subject that really interests me.I have found a lot of the ‘Anti-Porn work.’ to be closely connected to Christianity. And while I value everyone’s right to freedom of expression I have always found this not to be for me.
    My path has been somewhat different.I have looked long and hard at society;questioned consumerism,capitalism and my place in it.
    I value personal freedom and see the male sex to have real blockages to emotion.If you think of the emotional responses in porn,it is easy to see extreme emotional responses can substitute the viewers own feelings or trigger a placebo.The problem is it seems we are wired to distrust love or happiness as an emotion contrived.I think this in part stems from pre:’Gonzo.’ Pornography .So I feel the modern,last 20 years porn user is more conditioned for emotions of sadness,anger or desperation in women.Have you read the book ‘The Clockwork Orange.’ It was a combination of intense pychotherapy (with the use of mind altering drugs.Like perhaps MDMA and LSD.) and the connection to facism. When we see our selves as facists perhaps this is the tipping point. because we question if a society can be run by them.Then how far up the food chain is someone who views pornography.I am sure it used by all walks of life.But those who can afford sex workers would have that as an option.I would question how in touch a Porn user is with their own vunerability.I don’t mean feeling worthless in society or in the eyes of others.But how we can learn to love ourselves. I feel this is using masturbation to it’s higher purpose.I enjoyed reading about Tantra. And the idea of abstinance of male orgasm.Think how nearly all porn ends with a Man violently Masturbating himself. Admist all the geniue horror of how women are treated we also have a subliminal message of self hatred to the viewer. Who let’s face by this time is feeling anxious from andrenaline and desperate/read ‘low self esteem.’ for the dopamine relaese.

    • Paul Sawyer says:

      Not real names. Picking names we can help each other. Works better with help, we will do it. Only we know real. Will find out how it works, ask again this summer when we have chance.

      It will probably work. Sure hope. Tired of spending all time looking at this stuff, not doing real work, trying to pretend have money and am not useless bums.

      This time for sure, all of us, watch each other. Ask. Fall, stumble, redo. Today. Tomorrow. NAYS. For.

      [email protected]
      [email protected]
      [email protected]

  17. Speaking as a woman who has overcome an addiction to pornography who is spring a boyfriend who is coming out of that same addiction I appreciate this. For myself here are the big things that helped me.
    1. like the guy talking about behavior replacement, telling yourself “I will do C instead of porn” VS just telling yourself ” I will not use porn” I use this strategy but I include my faith. I’m a Christian so I imagine myself crossing out the undesired activity with the blood of Jesus and then replacing it with the desired thing. I still do this to keep my thought pure and it works for me 100% of the time without fail.
    2. Tell others your story. Get people involved I cannot stress enough that you will never find true freedom until you have real live face to face people on your side who know your story and choose to love you anyway. I thought I was free but I had never shared my story in person with anyone… and then I met my boyfriend and after verbalizing my story for the first time I have been able to walk in exponentially greater measures of freedom. Before I never would have uttered it to anyone, now I’m passionate about sharing my story so that other young women can avoid the pain and bondage of a pornography addiction.
    3. Take it 1 day at a time. Yes it’s admirable to set a goal of 6 months or a year, but when you’re just starting out you have to start small and CELEBRATE even the small victories!

  18. I have just lost my girlfriend of almost 3 years recently because of porn. It’s something I’ve been trying to kick for years now and at some point I thought I had. It easy to think that you can overcome it by yourself, which was probably my mistake. This article had so many helpful and great points and all these positive comments are giving me a lot of reassurance that I can and will overcome this. For all of those reading this that are doubting that cannot quit, keep your heads up. You can do it. Do not let it ruin any part of your life or hurt anyone close to you. You will come out as a much stronger and happier person.

    • Hey Alex,
      Thanks for sharing your story. That’s pretty rough, but it sounds like you’re at the start of a new chapter in your life. From the ashes rises the phoenix. 😉
      Cheers,
      Brian

  19. Reading this article has begun my understanding of this addiction. After finding out that my husband is addicted it’s been hard not to feel inadequate, unwanted and undesirable. This addiction affects so much more than just the addict!

  20. sophie Lane says:

    I found someone that I really loved but he was into the pornography too. So, to make a long story short, I ended it before I had any physical relationship with him. This is really too bad because it’s hard to find someone that is attractive both emotionally and physically and my whole adult life was spent with very controlling men that told me or manipulated me into being with them.

    This person was the first in many, many years that I actually wanted to be with just because of his personality, interests & etc….

    So, I guess my advise to the men out there that hate their addiction – get rid of it! – listen to the ones that recommend replacement therapy….but more than anything, do it for the ones you love and love you. Do it for your kids, if you have them….Don’t think that someone is going to feel safe and content with you if you’re looking at everyone else – it just doesn’t happen that way. And another bit of advise is – treat others the way you want to be treated. Handle the ones you love with care and it’s reciprocal. People respond positively to love and kindness, but they get defensive when they feel threatened.

    Don’t throw away the opportunity to have someone love you even when you’re old and gray. That day IS coming, sooner or later.

    Good luck

  21. jeremy kahunii says:

    my name is jeremy aged 20.I startes musterbating at the age of sixteen later on i turned to pornography.Today am an addict of the two i feel a lesser man full of guilt.I have fruitlessly tried to fight the vice.I have a girlfriend who i so much love but i have not shared this with her coz i fear she will leave me.I feel guilty soo much when i preffer musterbation to sex.i really do not know what to do? i hate myself.help

  22. Before I could make any moral changes in my day to day life, I had to learn right from wrong. Since I could not honestly invent a moral code of my own I turned to a Catholic booklet entitled “an examination of conscience”. The book explained what the conscience was and how it works. It then listed the serious mortal sins, the less serious venial sins, and finally gave a list of character defects.

    I was surprised to learn that masturbation is listed as a mortal sin. This is not the way it is viewed in many Christian denominations, some of whom teach that it is no sin at all or only a “baby” sin. But I knew that this was a serious situation which had to be corrected. I was grateful for that booklet. It gave me an intellectual baseline to build on. I determined that the Catholics were right and the other denominations were wrong.

    After learning that I was committing serious sin, I saw that I had an addiction and that I would have to go “cold turkey” to kick the habit. I had two tools to work with. First was my own will, which I knew was weak. Second was my faith in prayer, which was also weak.

    On the enemy side I had a body which demanded regular sexual climaxes and a mind that was out of control. My first experience with porn was as a college student when the fencing team captain decided to rent a pornographic movie and show it to the team. Those images stuck in my mind for years – I was ready for computer porn when it became available.

    To sum it up, here is what I did to gain control of my body and mind:

    1. I made a resolution, i.e., a firm policy, to never again touch myself sexually. This was an act of will and intellect. To me a policy is something written in stone after due deliberation. It is never to be brought up again or questioned. “I don’t do that” is the bottom line.

    2. I prayed for the strength to resist the urges coming from my body and mind.

    3. I prayed for angelic assistance to fight any sexual demons in my vicinity. The Church teaches that demons are obsessed with sex and always try to use sexual images to tempt people.

    It was difficult at first. The immediate effect of my resolution was an overwhelming sexual urge coming from the body. I frantically prayed for assistance. I held my hands at my side and willed them not to move. I watched my mind do its thing with images, but, according to my policy, I refused to engage with the images or to give consent to them. The physical sensations kept coming, demanding action. I ardently prayed “I can’t do this alone. If you don’t help, it’s not going to get done”. Much to my relief, the sensations passed after a minute or so.

    Over the next few days, this battle was repeated, sometimes several times per day. But my resolution held, the prayers worked, and I began to gain self confidence and I sensed that I was developing an “iron will”. The defeated enemies came at me less often and with less intensity.

    My body eventually gave up its sexual demands. I think it started to reprogram itself. It would occasionally give me “wet dreams”. However, these are not deliberate actions and therefore not a sin. My mind (and maybe some demons) frequently tried to tempt me. But the Church teaches that temptations are normal and not sinful. When they are resisted, they are actually helpful in developing character.

    I want to give everyone in this forum a gold star for engaging in the battle against sexual addictions. If you succeed, you will have opened a road to a happiness that you never imagined was waiting for you, a happiness based on self respect and virtue. By the way, virtue comes from the root “vir” which means manly. You are on the way to becoming real men, getting stronger in the cardinal virtues of prudence, fortitude, justice and temperance.

    God bless you all.

  23. Very helpful, Some of the behaviour traits I had identified in myself and have been aware of for sometime, but its helpful to see those confirmed by those expierenced in dealing with these things.
    I really connected with George Collins ‘The minds story’ This is indeed what goes on in my head and I need to learn not to listen to it but remember to listen to what Christ says about me and not what my own head says about me.

  24. Is it okay to masturbate occasionally without porn?

  25. Wale Daniel says:

    Am a Nigerian who wants out of pornography, have been struggling for years to quit porno but it seems the more i struggle, the more the urge keeps on coming and i always feel bad, guilty, ashamed and unclean after committing such act.. I so much believe in God and his doctrine but it seems the porn spirit has an edge over me because am always yielding to the temptation and it pricks my heart whenever i succumb.. Please Brian i sincerely wanna quit pornography.. i really need your help and advice.. thanks

  26. Thanks all of you,you don’t know how useful this has been to me.

  27. My one friend was also a porn addict , watched porn daily,sometime 4-5 hours in a day and also do towel raise exercise for straightening of penis , after passing 12th ,he and me join college for further study but there we were used to be busy in study and also had no PC for watching porn,slowly slowly he was getting into depression then and the intensity of it becoming more and more and a day came when he told to me as a best friend” I am becoming mental” . He didn’t knew it was due to addition of porn ( these are the withdrawal symptom of porn addiction) . Then he went to physiatrist and told him everything. Physiatrist told him” you should no need to worry”and his treatment were started and he was also diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, he had seen the instance withdrawal symptoms for 6 months and paws for 1.5 years and now he am taking the treatment of Bipolar disorder and ok
    If you are going through the same trauma , you can contact me on watt’s app at 919990414530

  28. Hello folks,

    I hope this will not be the last addiction that I kick. I never thought of it as an addiction, and I was kind of proud of it. Today I have hit rock bottom. Yes today, my mind is still with this “numbness”, this clouded spirit and this slowed mind, I have noticed I been having this -clouded mind state of mind- for maybe a year now.

    I quit smoking, 20 minutes ago, (no joking I’m sure smiles can also heal), I quit smoking almost 20 years ago, I decided and I kicked it cold turkey. Recently I dropped lots of weight the past 4 years by lowering food consumption. I also need to lower the drink, and I thought boze was my worst addiction to work on. But the porn is hurting me as much or more, I didn’t want to see that.

    On porn I have walked down the ladders of that thing. My mind is ransom of that, and now I am aware of it. The TED talk was awesome, explained why I see stuff that I shouldnt, there is great advice here and I appreciate it very much.

    I can’t get myself into working, I postpone everything -today it hit me when someone pointed the “lost of will” effect of porn… yes I am running all day about the house in underwear, even when my daughters are around. And i don’t care I say “its comfortable”, “its human”… No I am becoming a lame joke version of myself. And I am in danger of losing the opportunities of life that I have.

    I am ashamed, and I can’t beleive I am typing this.
    I need help, I didn’t see this happening.

    I just want this shameful shade to get away of my mind. Its that part that I hate the most.

    My will it’s at all time low, I even lost dreams for life, I didn’t care if I would die young. I couldn’t explain why someone would want to live after 60…

    “This porn thing is robbing me of life.”

    Thanks for the help!

  29. The producer of the porn according to the contemporary demand introduced the new version of it but basically it’s the merely unique function between opposite sex, why? business or other intention ? alternative income source is ever better of course and why it is permitted in the British law if every man support the smoking or the porn is it true better for humane in trace amount ? so why? extremely intense boring to me moreover Gay. why?

  30. SImon Jones says:

    One thing that helped me in dealing with porn addiction is removing temptation. I used this software to scan and delete all porn off my PC:

    http://contentpurity.com/porn-addiction.htm

  31. For me loving yourself as a man has helped a lot. I used to reject myself and my emotions a lot. Taking away this self-rejection has helped me a lot, currenly I’m on day 99 of nompo, and it is going great!

    Keep up the good work!

  32. I feel this іs one of the so much important info for me.
    And i’m happy readіng your article. But wɑnt to ѕtatement on few general things, The ѕitе taste
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  33. Before I talking about porn I wanna to talk about chain-smoker. I’m a big smoker but now I’m not smoking. So I wanna to say that to except anything you have dedication. Like if u wanna to leave watching porn movies so you diverted your mind in the other work.

  34. you can’t just quit an addiction, addiction has no logical explination for its impulsive action, you can desire strongly to do so but it’s downloaded into the human mind to have sex, so the best thing to do is seek a healthy marriage and understanding God’s will in the matter. which is to deny uncleanness and worldly lusts.

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