How To Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety: The Most Important Tool

Overcome Performance Anxiety

I get a lot of emails asking about how I overcame sexual performance anxiety. And I’ve found a few tried and true strategies that have helped guys that I’ve been coaching , so I want to share them.

First off, let’s figure out if it’s actually performance anxiety that we’re dealing with.

How do I know if I have performance anxiety?

A lot of guys out there think that they are dealing with porn-induced ED, when in fact they are dealing with sexual performance anxiety.

Here is a test that you can do to find out:

  1. Do you have trouble getting an erection when you’re alone with a woman, but you can get an erection by touching yourself (without porn) in the comfort of your home?
  2. Do you sometimes lose your erection when you’re with a woman – especially your first or second time with her?
  3. Do you find yourself worried about whether you’ll be able to get an erection when the time comes?
  4. Do you avoid sexual encounters because you worry that you might not be able to perform?

If you answered ‘yes’ to some or all of these questions, then you likely are suffering from sexual performance anxiety.

(Note: With porn-induced ED, the erections you get by yourself without porn just aren’t as strong as the erections with porn.  Or in extreme cases, you can’t get an erection at all without porn.)

Now let me ask you this:

  • Do you wish you could have great sex every time, and not have to worry?
  • Do you wish that you could freely have one-night stands without having to worry about whether your penis would work or not?
  • Do you wish that you weren’t dealing with this?

I’ll tell you: I feel for you, because I’ve been there.  But I’ll also say that it is 100% possible to overcome this.  I did it, and you can too.

My Story

A few years ago, when I was going through performance anxiety myself, I found it so, incredibly frustrating.  I just couldn’t understand why my body wasn’t working. And after I lost my erection a few times, I just expected it to happen.

Even though I was in the best shape of my life and had lots of girls who wanted to sleep with me (I was going out a lot and working on improving my conversation skills with women), I kept on avoiding sex.  I had performance anxiety with a new partner, and after a few more failed experiences, I even started avoiding girls I had already slept with.  I just felt so embarrassed.  And the girls felt bad too.

And when I did go ahead and try to have sex anyway, my penis just didn’t work.  The girls would always ask, “What’s wrong?  Are you okay?”   I would make up excuses and say things like “I’m just not feeling well tonight.  I think I’m getting a cold or something.”  Or I would say that I hurt my back working out at the gym or I was really stressed out from work. Or that I was on a new medication and it had some bad side effects. Excuse after excuse. It was total bullshit, and I knew it needed to change.

The Real Reason I Was Anxious

The real reason was that I was thinking too much. I was in my head instead of in the moment. My mind was sabotaging my body.  One minute, I would feel turned on and ready for sex, then the next it was like my body had just shut down. I couldn’t relax. And without relaxation, it’s damn hard (pardon the pun) to produce an erection.

There is hope

I want you to know that there is hope. You can overcome performance anxiety so that it’s out of your life for good.  Seriously. I did it. I know other guys who have done it.  It’s really not that big of a deal. A ton of guys go through this at some point in their lives and have come out the other side.  They just don’t talk about it – because they want to forget about it.  And I don’t blame them!

Performance Anxiety Treatment

I know what you’re probably thinking, because I’ve been there myself.  You can’t see any way to break this cycle of anxiety and frustration, and you think you’ll never be able to have ‘regular’ sex again.  Well, it’s not true. There’s lots of options for treatment, and I’ve found a few that work really well.

The most important tool to get rid of sexual performance anxiety

One of the most important things that helped me overcome sexual anxiety was using guided relaxation.

I seriously cannot stress how much this having a daily, guided relaxation routine helped me in getting over performance anxiety.

In the last few weeks, I’ve come across an amazing guided relaxation mp3 program designed specifically for people dealing with this, called Mental Impotence Healer.  I’ve used it myself (you can never be too relaxed in bed!) and have recommended it to all my coaching clients, with great success.  I hope you’ll try it out too!

Mental Impotence Healer is a guided relaxation mp3 set to Theta brain wave music. This music signals your brain to go into the ‘Theta state,’ which is usually reached through meditation or light sleep.

It trains your brain to relax in sexual situations, so that the next time you’re in bed with a woman, you won’t be worrying whether ‘things will work’.  It is designed to help you gain confidence and stay relaxed when you’re with a woman in bed.

Now, I want to say — you can 100% overcome sexual performance anxiety without this tool.  It is possible that you can completely hear yourself using regular progressive relaxation techniques – I am proof of this.  But, this guided relaxation mp3 was created specifically to help people who are suffering from performance anxiety about sex.

It’s something that I really wish I had when I was suffering from sexual anxiety. In fact, I sought out this mp3 because I know it would help guys who are dealing with this.

You don’t have to buy this mp3 program, but I promise you it will help! Plus, they have a money back guarantee if you’re not satisfied.  Seriously, I know that it will help you.

Here’s the link:  Click here to read more about the Mental Impotence Healer Guided Imagery mp3.


Whatever you decide to do, I want to emphasize that performance anxiety is 100% curable. If you set your mind to it and follow a program to train your brain to relax during sex, you’ll be on your way to success.  Best of luck!


Have you tried Mental Impotence Healer or a similar product?  Let us know how it worked in the comments!


About Brian

Brian overcame a long-standing addiction to Internet porn and fully recovered from serious porn-induced erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety. For more about Brian, see my story.


  1. Desperate says:

    I have really bad performance anxiety and I really need help! What should I do? Every time I’m kissing a girl my mind just starts racing and I can’t get hard. Now I just avoid the situations… Help!

  2. Michael says:

    I am a very good-looking guy and have never had sex with anyone. Rather, i meet my sexual needs by masturbating frequently to gay porn especially. In fact, i’m addicted to it. Where i live, everyone in the compound wants to sleep with me:both guys and ladies. They’ve been sending me lots of signals but i haven’t been responding to them even though i understand. I really want to have sex with them too. I’ve even had to pretend i’m foolish and don’t understand;they also think i’m very foolish too. They’ve exploded on me once to the point of openly admitting that they want to sleep with me. They’re all practically tired of me having exhausted all techniques at their disposal but for so long, i’ve been avoiding sex with them because i have performance anxiety. How do i deal with this?

  3. Hey so my performance anxiety is caused by thinking it’s something physical even though I’m almost sure it’s not. I’m 18 and after standing up I’d lose my morning erections, I’ve read a lot of different stuff but found no concrete answers which makes me wonder whether or not it’s physical even though it hasn’t been happening all that long if memory serves but there’s a range of disorders that make me wonder “well what if I do have that” causing me severe performance anxiety. I’ve had sex before and had a bit of performance anxiety because I was worried I wouldn’t be able to keep it up if I’d relapsed or something like that but now thinking it may be physical is killing me even more because it’s all I can think about, should I take a different approach with this?

  4. I’ve been dealing with either porn-induced erectile dysfunction and/or performance anxiety for the past 5 years or so. I haven’t successfully had sex in 5 years. Since 2010 I’ve attempted to have sex with at least 5 or 6 different women and have failed and its beyond frustrating. Its mind numbingly depressing. Just over a year ago I started “no fap” and am now (Dec.6, 2015) 53 days strong. Its been a few months since I’ve viewed porn and 53 days since I “m’d”. What’s more is its been over 100 days since I intentionally set out to “m”. That’s an accomplishment of its own because I’m sure many guys can attest to having made “m” a part of their old daily routine where it was basically part of a reliable schedule. Eliminating that is huge. Right now I’m dating a woman I really care about and i don’t want to lose out on yet another relationship due to dysfunction. When im alone, my penis has never felt more limp and weak than it does now. When im with my girlfriend I’ll get hard but it usually won’t last even a full minute. It just comes and goes but can’t be maintained. I haven’t explained my situation to my girlfriend and i really don’t want to but i feel i might need to. Im just hoping this uncertainty will end and I’ll reach sexual health soon! Help!?

    • I know you hear “focus on your sensations” a lot. But if you focus on YOUR pleasure and know that if you feel good, she will feel good Enough, you can stop caring about what she’s experiencing. Your dick gets hard for YOU to feel good. She is along for the ride. This is just evolution; sex is a selfish thing. You do a thing that feels good and it happens to feel good to her too. Be doting and caring in the kitchen and living room. Please yourself with her body in the bedroom…and know that millions of years of natural selection will make her pleased too.

  5. Needtoknow says:

    It says here that :
    (Note: With porn-induced ED, the erections you get by yourself without porn just aren’t as strong as the erections with porn. Or in extreme cases, you can’t get an erection at all without porn.)
    When i try to get an erection by myself, i can get it relatively fast with any image of a girl or anything, i just have to play down there a bit. I think… the hardness is around the same – my problem is that it goes away so fast, that im losing confidence both in bed and outside of it. It last for like 30 sec before showing signs of fatigue (?), i need to have constant stimulation in order to get a boner more than 2 min with a partner (I know… its bad).

    the question here is that… do I have PIED?

  6. I am 23 years now and i am faced with sexual performance anxiety …… I am able to get harder erection in the morning or any time i watch something nude …. But can not attain an action when i am with my girlfriend , infact it has failed me severally and am now avoiding sex …. Help ?

    • Ryan Galvez says:

      I think what also helps in Overcomin SPA is to find what really attracts you sexually to your woman. Once you find out you’ll be able to get hard! That’s what helps me,( I find my babes Ass to arouse me, I get hard and we enjoy sex)!

      Quit watchin porn (You’ll be sensitive to human touch) and masturbating… (Think about the happiness you’ll have once you free from Porn e.g No Porn induced Erectile Dysfunction)…Porn is NO good at all, its Bad! I was an addict for 9years and I’m only 24, it ruined my life…. Learn to Hate it, just develop the hatred towards it, it has helped me!

      Stop comparing yourself to pornstars (Especially the D)… I have an average penis but I I satisfy my girl, we both enjoy sex!

      Talk about the problem with your girl (For me, I told her: She was sad I never told her buh understood, this time when I fail to get erect we jus laught it out and be patient)..

      Above all, how you feel about each other Helps!

  7. My performance anxiety stems from the fact that my wife let me know a long time ago that I am not large enough for her. When I was younger I was over seven inches when erect so I am not small – just small in comparison to lovers she had before me. I am pretty sure she has cheated on me with one of her old partners. It doesn’t much matter what I do, it isn’t good enough because I am not large enough for her. Try relaxing with that bullshit in the back of you mind.

  8. After 180 days my reboot got successful ,I am happy to say this .Alcohol helped me to get rid of PMO and now I am quitting Alcohol too You know guys Quitting Alcohol is easier than PMO .PMO is more difficult to quit it needs lot of patience self realization what you actually want in your life real or fake.I was addicted to PMO for 20 years, now I am happy thanks to yourbrainonporn.

  9. My first time bout to have sex in the bathroom with my girlfriend I had partial erections and then I went completely soft, she tried jacking me off and spitting on it and it still wouldnt erect. My sexual performance anxiety definitely got the best of me I was so fucking nervous cause it was my first time and I put it as the Super Bowl in my mind and made it a bigger deal than it was, and that messed me up!

  10. Christina Bieber says:

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