What I Learned Going 230 Days Without Porn

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**This is a guest post from a reader named Dylan, who went 230 days without porn. — Brian

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Let me be real with you: doing things we don’t want to do sucks. And doing things that are painful…that’s even worse. So, why bother?

It would be very easy to shower you with platitudes and clichés, which I have grown accustomed to receiving myself, but that demeans the severity of our situation: we want change or, at the very least, we think we want change (and that’s still a step in the right direction). Addiction is all about comfort. It’s temporary pain-relief that places us in long-term debt. Before we know it, we’re in deep.Continue Reading

Lessons from Rock Bottom: Case Studies and Inspiration to Rise Above Porn Addiction

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This is a post by friend and blogger Max Cato from PornEnlightenment.com

 

So Why Are People Quitting Porn?

The popularity of quitting porn has exploded all over the Internet. As of this posting, Reddit/r/NoFap has over 146K+ members, Reddit/r/pornfree has over 20K readers, I have over 400 followers on Google+, and the number of blogs and websites on the topic continues to grow and grow.

However there’s still much resistance regarding this idea as a large porn audience is wondering why anyone in their right mind would stop watching, but when you look a little closer the answers start to become increasingly obvious as to why people are choosing to speak out and express not only the truly negative impact that habitual porn watching has had on their lives but, even better, the overwhelmingly positive results they have experienced after quitting.

Perhaps porn isn’t negatively affecting everyone especially when viewing the audience that enjoys it, as they can be very outspoken about saying so. However, people are popping up all over the Internet feeling depressed, desperate, and afraid they’ll never be able to have real sex again (think porn-induced ED), or afraid they’ll lose important friends or family, especially love interests, because of their problem.

Does that mean something is wrong with you if you’re struggling while others are not? Of course not. This is just like alcohol use, as there are casual drinkers, drunks in denial, or addicts that will never touch another drop, and everything in between. Everyone is not the same and that is perfectly OK and should be expected.

Furthermore, even the proponents of porn are subject to its effects, whether they perceive it as problematic or not. Porn promotes a voyeuristic mindset, increased objectification of women, emotional detachment, and aggressive sexual tendencies. (For more on this check out this post)

What we really need to focus on is the people in the trenches because they are the ones really struggling. The effects of repeatedly failing every time they try to quit porn often does psychological damage and leaves people feeling broken and alone.

Before we get in to that discussion, let’s clarify one point.

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Can Viagra and Cialis Help with Performance Anxiety? A Case Study, Advice and Alternatives

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“I have performance anxiety. Should I take Viagra or Cialis to help my erections?

I get this question a lot in blog comments and emails.  My own opinions on this are mixed. People always want a magic bullet or an easy fix — which is why Viagra and Cialis are such huge cash cows.  But often the guys emailing me have porn problems (porn-induced ED, addiction, etc.), so giving up porn (“rebooting”) is a necessary and important part of the solution.

Oftentimes when a guy experiences an ED episode with a woman – even if it’s the first time in his life — he loses confidence and gets caught in a cycle of anxiety and poor performance.  I recognize that there are some circumstances where taking Viagra or Cialis can help you overcome this performance anxiety.

This is a controversial topic in the reboot community.  Some men recovering from porn induced ED report that it is helpful to use small doses of Viagra or Cialis to reduce anxiety when starting to be sexual again with a real partner.  Other guys say it’s a cop-out and doesn’t address the real issues behind the problem, such as porn-use and learning how to deal with stress and anxiety.   We’ll look at both of these POVs (see what I did there?) below, with a real case study.

Jay’s Case Study

The following is a guest post from a guy we’ll call Jay (not his real name), who emailed me about his experience taking Cialis and Viagra to help with his performance anxiety.  He covers a lot of important topics that are helpful to know if you decide to go this route.

Enter Jay.

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My Story

I was 21 and single. I had read The Game and was spending a lot of time with my buddies at the bar practicing ridiculous conversation “openers”. And to my surprise sometimes they worked.  Looking back, I think it was the confidence that I had in the memorized stories that made me attractive.  (I should say that nowadays I don’t believe in memorizing lines or lying to create interest from women, but I am grateful to the ‘pickup’ community for the introduction it gave me to self-development.)

I had a handful of one-night stands that year, usually with women who were a little older and had their own apartments (I was living at home while going to Uni). I was often a bit drunk those nights, and it was a pretty great time in my life. There were even a few girls who wanted to see me again.

Anyway, one night I went home with an older woman who pretty much said “let’s go to my place” before I was even finished my first drink.  She seemed to me really experienced and like it was just ‘business’ to her. Basically, she wanted to have sex, and I happened to be the guy that night.  She was really attractive, but I think the way that she acted really intimidated me. Neither of us were drunk and by the time we were in her bedroom taking off our clothes I was super nervous.

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“How long will my reboot take?”

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“I have Porn induced ED. How long will my reboot take?”

This is maybe the most common question I get in emails and blog comments. And I understand why:  you want to know what to expect.

While some guys with mild cases of porn-induced ED can reboot within 3-6 weeks of no PMO (no porn, masturbation, or orgasm), for others it can take up to 4 months. And in some extreme cases, it may take up to a year or more to fully recover.

 

So how long will your reboot take?

While it’s a complex question and impossible to give exact timelines, what we can do is look at factors that influence the length of time a reboot will take.

I will do my best at a thorough answer, based on:

1. My own personal experience.

2. Reading many, many (too many to count) reboot accounts on various internet forums, in emails I’ve received, and in online surveys I’ve conducted.

 

From these sources, I was able to boil it down to 8 important factors.  How long your reboot will take depends on:

 

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Sexual Performance Anxiety: The Complete Guide With 15 Actionable Tips

performance anxiety

Performance Anxiety

Most guys will experience a period of ED from performance anxiety in their lives.

For some guys, it will be a short phase, maybe it happens a few times and then as he gets his confidence back, and for others it can be a crippling cycle of shame, worry and completely avoiding sex.

A study in 2003 found that about one third of men experienced erectile dysfunction at least once a year.  It can feel like you’re alone in going through this because it’s not talked about, but rest assured that other guys have overcome it and so can you.

Simon’s story

Meet Simon. He’s a pretty average guy. A third year college student, relatively sporty and plays guitar in his free time. Up till now, Simon has had two serious girlfriends and a handful of one-night stands.

One night at the campus bar, Simon meets Amanda. She’s very beautiful – in fact, way out of his league, he thinks. But somehow he says the right things at the right things at the right time. And it turns out they have a lot of the same friends in common.

They toss flirty comments back and forth. She’s actually into me – I might have a chance!  Don’t screw it up!

After talking for an hour at a table in the corner of the bar, Amanda says, “I’m tired. Could you walk me home?”   It’s so on, thinks Simon. The two walk out arm in arm and walk back to her place, where it turns out, she’s not so tired.

But as they start kissing and undressing, thoughts start to creep into the back of his head. This girl is so hot. She’s way to good for me. What if I’m not as good in bed as what she’s used to?  What if she thinks my penis is small?  She knows some of my friends – what if she tells them about how I am in bed?

Amanda pulls off his pants and puts her hand on his boxers. Simon’s penis is completely limp.  She looks up at him. “What’s wrong?”

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Reboot Success Stories: Full Erections After 3 Months No PMO

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Hi guys.  Today, I received a great email from a reader that I want to share. James (not his real name) has been off PMO for 3 months and has seen some BIG improvements.

I love getting these kind of emails, because it inspires me to keep writing and working on ways to help more guys recover from porn addiction and porn-induced erectile dysfunction. I hope his email below inspires you guys to keep going with your reboot!

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Hey Brian,

I don’t know if you’ll use this, but I think you should. I’ve read your website and since staying off porn/masturbation/fantasy/orgasm….my sensitivity is returning! It’s amazing, I feel so much better in everything.

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