How To Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety: The Most Important Tool

Overcome Performance Anxiety

I get a lot of emails asking about how I overcame sexual performance anxiety. And I’ve found a few tried and true strategies that have helped guys that I’ve been coaching , so I want to share them.

First off, let’s figure out if it’s actually performance anxiety that we’re dealing with.

How do I know if I have performance anxiety?

A lot of guys out there think that they are dealing with porn-induced ED, when in fact they are dealing with sexual performance anxiety.

Here is a test that you can do to find out:

  1. Do you have trouble getting an erection when you’re alone with a woman, but you can get an erection by touching yourself (without porn) in the comfort of your home?
  2. Do you sometimes lose your erection when you’re with a woman – especially your first or second time with her?
  3. Do you find yourself worried about whether you’ll be able to get an erection when the time comes?
  4. Do you avoid sexual encounters because you worry that you might not be able to perform?

If you answered ‘yes’ to some or all of these questions, then you likely are suffering from sexual performance anxiety.

(Note: With porn-induced ED, the erections you get by yourself without porn just aren’t as strong as the erections with porn.  Or in extreme cases, you can’t get an erection at all without porn.)

Now let me ask you this:

  • Do you wish you could have great sex every time, and not have to worry?
  • Do you wish that you could freely have one-night stands without having to worry about whether your penis would work or not?
  • Do you wish that you weren’t dealing with this?

I’ll tell you: I feel for you, because I’ve been there.  But I’ll also say that it is 100% possible to overcome this.  I did it, and you can too.

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Porn-Induced ED is Gone and I Feel Like a New Person: An Interview With Noah BE Church

Noah BE Church speaking at a Mystery Box event

Why did you decide to quit porn? Was there something that triggered it?

I used porn from age 9. Unlike some other boys, nobody exposed me to it, nor was it an accident—I was a horny little kid and sought it out. My use really took off when I was 12 or 13 and got a computer with Internet access in my own room. I escalated quickly to some fairly heinous and socially unacceptable content by age 14. I talked to no one about this. For most of my teenage years, instead of taking risks and putting myself out there to form real connections with real women, I turned to the easy fix of porn and dreamed of the day when I would have real sex. When I was 18 that day came, the culmination of years of hope and expectation. And my dick simply did not work. I felt little to no physical arousal, despite finding my girlfriend at the time very attractive. No matter how many times we tried over the next few months, I was completely incapable of real sex, and I had no idea why.Continue Reading

More PIED and PMO Reboot Success Stories

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“My 365 days of porn freedom” by PL

September 15, 2015 will be a year since I masturbated to porn (PMO). The journey was not easy and painful at some points; however the rewards gained through abstaining from porn are life changing.

History

I have been watching porn since I was age 12, I am currently age 32. My father gave me my first porn magazine at 13; however I did not start masturbating until age 14. Seriously age 14 is when I started PMO. I grow up with my grandmother being really religious and saying sex is a sin. The thing is I would watch porn at age 12-14 on the Playboy and Spice channel; my family had the box with all the channels.

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Reboot Success Story: “You Are A Human Being, Not An ‘Addict'”

“Commitment, Consistency and Method.”  In this reboot success story, Giuliano shares his thoughts on quitting porn. It’s a long, raw and challenging read, but I promise you if you stick with it there are plenty of ‘lightbulb moments’ that will change the way you think.

This story won 1st place in the 2015 Reboot Success Story Contest

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This is going to long. I warned you. And it’s also going to be uncomfortable, even painful and scary. Hope is scary. And one of the main reasons people struggle with addiction is because they are scared of what’s inside themselves.

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Reboot Success Story: Learning To Use The Self Properly

In this reboot success story, Dominic shares how the “three-headed Hydra of sugar, video-games and porn” slowly destroyed his life — and his subsequent journey to reclaim it.

This story won 2nd place in the 2015 Reboot Success Story Contest hosted by Reboot Blueprint.

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Game Addict

I have used porn since the very inception of my sexual awakening in adolescence. My birth-date is 1989, so the internet was really coming of age at around the time I started to get those first chronic erections that just won’t go away. What’s a shy and embarrassed 13-year-old attending a Victorian-era all-boys school to do in that situation? Shut myself away at the computer at every opportunity.
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Reboot Success Story: 51 Years Old When I Discovered NoFap

In this inspiring reboot success story, Fercho shares how he woke up to how serious his porn addiction was, and the strategies that helped him overcome it.  This story won 3rd place in the 2015 Reboot Success Story Contest hosted by Reboot Blueprint.

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fercho

I am 51 years old. I started having fantasies with boys from school when I was 11, I understand now that this was because I was bullied at school and was not “popular”: I was shorter, fatter, used glasses, and did not know how to play soccer (very important to be popular if you are a boy in Argentina). I started fapping fantasizing with these boys.

I changed completely when I was a teenager: I grew up, got a girlfriend and became very popular in my social environment. Nevertheless, I “kept” my secret gay fantasies inside my brain.

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Reboot Success Story Contest

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**UPDATE:  This contest is now closed.  The winning entries can be found here:

Third Place

Second Place

First Place

Runners Up

If you have a success story you’d like to share, I’d still love to hear from you: brian (at) rebootblueprint (dot) com

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Do you have an inspiring reboot success story to tell and a talent for putting it into words?

To celebrate 2 years since starting the website Reboot Blueprint, I’m giving away $175 in Amazon Gift Cards to the best reboot success stories.

Entry Deadline:  September 15th, 2015
September 30th, 2015
  • First prize: $100 Amazon gift card
  • Second prize: $50 Amazon gift card
  • Third prize:  $25 Amazon gift card
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50 Reasons To Quit Porn For Good

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I once read an article on why porn is great for your relationship…  While that’s a nice fantasy, the reality is quite the opposite!

And if you’re reading this article, you have likely discovered that not only is porn possibly harming your relationship, it’s terrible for your self-esteem too.

I’ve got 50 good reasons for you to take a stand against your porn habit and to become a better, happier and more fulfilled man, in every way.

So without further ado, here are…

50 Reasons To Quit Porn:

1.  Prevent erectile dysfunction

ED is a serious debilitating condition in men. Frequent masturbation and hard porn habits have been found to induce a physiological state that affects the brain in such a way that it hinders intimate sexual performance that even Viagra can’t remedy. This becomes a psychological conditioning which takes its toll and can create performance anxiety problems down the line. The best solution is to quit porn and let your brain return to normality – we call this “rewiring”.

ED
2Restore your sexual energy

If you’re busy doing the do often in the day, you’re not going to have energy for much else, including sexual intimacy with a partner.

You may have already experienced a lack of drive, and possibly the effects it has on you and your partner. Reclaiming that energy can be exhilarating.

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How The Simple Habit Of Exercise Can Help You Overcome Porn Addiction

Man Exercising Push-Up

The following is a guest post by my friend Mark B. — Brian.

I have been there; I write from the heart and write from my own experience. I once had an addiction to porn. It wasn’t what I thought was massive, but no matter how small you see how big it actually is. So don’t kid yourself.

One of the ways that I found I could escape the temptation of porn — over and above putting all the security blocks and fancy software in place — was to have a healthy, fresh and clear mind and of course be alert to my surroundings. To achieve this two things are needed: a healthy diet and some exercise. Both of these now form part of my daily routine.

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What I Learned Going 230 Days Without Porn

lessons-learned

**This is a guest post from a reader named Dylan, who went 230 days without porn. — Brian

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Let me be real with you: doing things we don’t want to do sucks. And doing things that are painful…that’s even worse. So, why bother?

It would be very easy to shower you with platitudes and clichés, which I have grown accustomed to receiving myself, but that demeans the severity of our situation: we want change or, at the very least, we think we want change (and that’s still a step in the right direction). Addiction is all about comfort. It’s temporary pain-relief that places us in long-term debt. Before we know it, we’re in deep.Continue Reading