The 3 Brutally Honest Reasons Why You’re Still Addicted to Porn

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Have you been struggling with porn addiction for more than a year?

I want to tell you EXACTLY why you’re failing, so you can pick yourself up and overcome this.

What I say below might sound harsh at times, but it needs to be.

This is a wakeup call, and wakeup calls are not meant to be ‘nice’.

So without further ado…

 

The Truth About Why You’re Still Addicted To Porn

1. Responsibility.

My inbox is filled with mails from hundreds of guys who desperately want to get over their addiction.

Their reasons are many and varied:

They want to overcome porn induced ED or performance anxiety.

They want to have real-life relationships.

They want to stop wasting their life away in front of a computer screen…

Among many other great reasons.

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“How long will my reboot take?”

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“I have Porn induced ED. How long will my reboot take?”

This is maybe the most common question I get in emails and blog comments. And I understand why:  you want to know what to expect.

While some guys with mild cases of porn-induced ED can reboot within 3-6 weeks of no PMO (no porn, masturbation, or orgasm), for others it can take up to 4 months. And in some extreme cases, it may take up to a year or more to fully recover.

 

So how long will your reboot take?

While it’s a complex question and impossible to give exact timelines, what we can do is look at factors that influence the length of time a reboot will take.

I will do my best at a thorough answer, based on:

1. My own personal experience.

2. Reading many, many (too many to count) reboot accounts on various internet forums, in emails I’ve received, and in online surveys I’ve conducted.

 

From these sources, I was able to boil it down to 8 important factors.  How long your reboot will take depends on:

 

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How to Masturbate Correctly for Men, Part 1: You’re Probably Doing it Wrong

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This is part one of a two-part series about healthy masturbation, an important topic that doesn’t get nearly enough attention.

(Here is Part 2!)

A Short History of Masturbation

Before the internet age, masturbation was something that had stayed essentially the same for the preceding 100 years.

But the advent of high-speed internet access and essentially unlimited, free porn, has changed the way we masturbate.  And this has created serious challenges and problems for young men growing up in this new environment.

So before I tell you how to masturbate correctly, first I want to tell you why there’s a good chance that you’re doing it wrong.

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Partner Of A Porn Addict? Some Advice

Partner of a Porn Addict

I recently received a mail from a woman (we’ll call her “Jennifer”) asking me for advice about her husband’s porn addiction.  I don’t normally answer personal emails asking for advice — I get too many of them to answer and also would prefer questions answered on the blog, where other people can learn – but I empathized with her situation and thought I’d help her out. Also, she said it was okay to post it on the blog.

Here is the email she sent. If you want just the questions and my answers scroll down or click here.

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Hi Brian,

I am writing with a question I am struggling with. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and have a nice marriage. I actually “caught” him watching porn and masturbating while on our honeymoon. We had a lot of major conversations but he assured me this would stop and was not a problem. I have always suspected this might still be happening at times and recently discovered that is still visiting endless porn sites everyday. He knows he has a problem and says he is almost relieved for it to be out.

I do truly believe he wants to change. Although I am so angry at him I love him and believe he wants to stop this. The question is will he be able to? Can you please answer the following quick questions for me so I can plan my next step to regaining trust? I appreciate it.

1. In your opinion is it ok for him to continue to have sex with me? His addiction was limited to pornography and didn’t involve straying sexually. In some ways I feel he has to abstain to reboot, but at the same time in this vulnerable time it is a perfect opportunity for sincere deep intimacy in our rebuilding. I long for that.

2. Is it imperative to stop viewing porn cold turkey altogether. He says this is his strategy; I just want to make sure this doesn’t set him up for failure because it is too drastic. Do you recommend the cold turkey or the weaning approach?

3. How much should I ask him about his addiction? All trust has been broken and I feel to start to heal I need a firm grasp of what was going on. Or do I? It feels so intrusive to ask him down and dirty questions.

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Reboot Success Stories: Full Erections After 3 Months No PMO

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Hi guys.  Today, I received a great email from a reader that I want to share. James (not his real name) has been off PMO for 3 months and has seen some BIG improvements.

I love getting these kind of emails, because it inspires me to keep writing and working on ways to help more guys recover from porn addiction and porn-induced erectile dysfunction. I hope his email below inspires you guys to keep going with your reboot!

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Hey Brian,

I don’t know if you’ll use this, but I think you should. I’ve read your website and since staying off porn/masturbation/fantasy/orgasm….my sensitivity is returning! It’s amazing, I feel so much better in everything.

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3 Reasons Why My First 3 Reboot Attempts Failed

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I’m often asked in emails from readers how I was successful in rebooting. This is a great question to ask – learning from others who have gone before you is an excellent strategy. I’ve addressed some of the strategies that helped me out in a previous post.

But what is equally important is why my first three attempts at rebooting failed.

That’s right: my first three attempts at rebooting ended in relapses – the first two of which had me binging on more porn in a day than I would have normally watched in a week.

I think these causes of relapse are common reasons guys fail in their reboots, so listen up and learn from these.

3 Reasons Why My First 3 Reboot Attempts Failed

1. I was using willpower alone.

This is one of the BIGGEST reasons why I failed. The first two times, I didn’t replace the PMO habit, I simply quit cold turkey. While relying on willpower alone worked for me for a while (my first two reboots were 18 and 50 days respectively), it was draining and eventually I would just cave in.

As human beings, we have a limited amount of willpower from which we can draw upon daily. Once you use that up, you’re up a creek without a paddle. And yes, in the long term it’s possible to increase your willpower through practice and habit building (for example going to the gym or meditating), but it takes time and focused energy.

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The World’s Quickest Porn Addiction Advice Column

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I was recently inspired by a post called “The World’s Quickest Advice Column” on Nerd Fitness (probably THE best blog for getting fit), and thought I’d give a shot at writing my own “Quickest Advice Column.”   😉

Here we go!

How can I quit porn?   Find a replacement habit. Do that every time you feel an urge to watch porn. Work on making your life better by joining classes and pursuing what you love. Rinse, repeat.

How do I block porn on my laptop/iphone? Install this: (PC) (Mac) (Android) (Iphone). Have a friend create the password with instructions that it will cost you $300 to get it back.

But I really have the urge right to use porn now! Do 30 push ups.  Sprint down the road and back. Talk to me then.

Do I have to delete or get rid of ALL of my porn? Maybe I should just put it in a box and hide it.  If you were an alcoholic, would you keep a case of scotch in the house “just in case?”Continue Reading

10 Powerful Benefits of Quitting Porn

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It can be tough to stay motivated during the ups and downs of a a no-PMO (porn-masturbation-orgasm) reboot. Here are 10 commonly experienced rebooting benefits to motivate you to stay the course.

1. You will be able to have great sex again.

All of that negative baggage surrounding sex: problems with getting and sustaining erections; performance anxiety; unrealistic expectations — all of that stuff gets better when you give up using porn.

After a successful reboot, you will be able to have great, fulfilling, passionate sex again – without the penis pills and anxiety.  For me, getting my sex life back was the number one reason I quit, and it is the number one reason I STAY quit.

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5 Reasons Why I Succeeded In Recovering From Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

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I’m free! I haven’t used porn since April, 2011. That’s two years now that I’ve been completely free from a crippling ED-causing porn addiction.

I think there are two main reasons I have been successful:

1. I eliminated habit triggers as much as possible.

2. From the start, I had a game plan for contingencies.

Here are 5 concrete tips for how I accomplished this:

1. I replaced the porn habit.

Many guys try to quit porn cold-turkey and find it near impossible.  What many success stories have in common is that they replaced the habit with something else. This means when I got a craving to use porn, I would immediately start my contingency habit – in my case, a seven minute custom workout routine – I call it The Fapstronaut workout (catchy, no?).  At it’s most basic, it was simply 20 push ups followed by 30 sit ups. As the cravings became more and more sporadic (and I became fitter!), it turned into a longer/more fun workout (I’ll share it in an upcoming post).

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