Porn And Infidelity – Is There A Link?

infidelity

This is a guest post by Helen, a former healthcare worker who now writes about relationships, gender issues and health.

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With the growth in and increasing availability of online pornography, many people are starting to think more deeply about the issues associated with it. Within Europe, the debate tends to focus upon the psychological effects use of online pornography has on young and sexually inexperienced people, and what it may mean for their future sex lives. The discussion in the USA, meanwhile, focuses upon that old American obsession – sexual morality. A growing area of concern is a potential link between porn use and infidelity – or whether porn usage itself constitutes infidelity.Continue Reading

I Found Out My Husband (Boyfriend) Is Addicted To Porn: What To Do Next

Husband Addicted to porn

(This post was written by Sarah, who writes on women’s issues surrounding porn addiction and relationships.)

Addiction is never easy to deal with – let alone one as misunderstood as a porn addiction. Despite the evidence that porn can become an addiction for some people, the majority of people out there still don’t recognize that it can lead to big problems. Until recently, many people pushed the issue of porn addiction under the umbrella of religious puritanism, hoping to bolster the argument that porn is only a problem if there is a moral issue behind it.

We now know that it boils down to much more than values and beliefs. And yet there is still no real focus on the partners who suffer from the havoc that a porn addiction can cause in a relationship. Porn addictions can indeed ruin relationships, wrongly shape lives and kill intimacy and affection toward each other.

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Porn and Porn Induced ED: One Woman’s Perspective

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I recently had a great conversation with a female friend of mine named Sarah, where I told her about this website and my problems with porn induced ED in the past. She was very open to talk about it, and after a long chat, suggested that she write an article about how she felt about the whole thing. She even went so far as to get a few of her girlfriends together to ask their opinions.

For her article, I asked Sarah to answer a few questions on the topic of porn and PIED, namely:

-Her reaction when we talked about PIED
-How she feels about porn
-What women think/feel when a guy can’t get it up
-The importance of communication about sex between partners
-Insights from a female perspective about healing

 

I’ll let Sarah take it away:

After meeting Brian a few weeks ago, I just couldn’t wait to get home and browse his site in order to get more information on PIED. I remember that as he was telling me about PIED, it struck a nerve and I knew that a number of my friends could and probably would benefit from the knowledge that was being shared with me at that moment.

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Is Porn Ruining My Relationship?

Porn Can Hurt Your Relationship

When you’re addicted to porn, you’re in another reality. Things around you may seem all hunky dory but in fact they are far from the perceived reality.

Porn hurts. Fact.

“Is porn hurting my relationship?”

Porn doesn’t only hurt it can destroy any and all relationships: relationships between addict and child, addict and friends, addict and colleagues and any other relationship that can be thought of.

Porn can harm in so many ways, during the addiction and after the addiction. Porn takes a person away from reality and the new virtual space they find themselves in becomes more real than the real world they still have to remain part of. Excuses are made to spend time watching porn, time that can be taken away from family, loved ones, work and just people in general, other people take a back seat to the ones in the book, magazine or on the screen. The porn world becomes a friendlier, better and even perceived nicer place to be as the fantasy is so real and without knowing it, and certainly not deliberately the addict is creating a gap that becomes a chasm between him and those real people, the ones who actually have more meaning.

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Partner Of A Porn Addict? Some Advice

Partner of a Porn Addict

I recently received a mail from a woman (we’ll call her “Jennifer”) asking me for advice about her husband’s porn addiction.  I don’t normally answer personal emails asking for advice — I get too many of them to answer and also would prefer questions answered on the blog, where other people can learn – but I empathized with her situation and thought I’d help her out. Also, she said it was okay to post it on the blog.

Here is the email she sent. If you want just the questions and my answers scroll down or click here.

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Hi Brian,

I am writing with a question I am struggling with. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and have a nice marriage. I actually “caught” him watching porn and masturbating while on our honeymoon. We had a lot of major conversations but he assured me this would stop and was not a problem. I have always suspected this might still be happening at times and recently discovered that is still visiting endless porn sites everyday. He knows he has a problem and says he is almost relieved for it to be out.

I do truly believe he wants to change. Although I am so angry at him I love him and believe he wants to stop this. The question is will he be able to? Can you please answer the following quick questions for me so I can plan my next step to regaining trust? I appreciate it.

1. In your opinion is it ok for him to continue to have sex with me? His addiction was limited to pornography and didn’t involve straying sexually. In some ways I feel he has to abstain to reboot, but at the same time in this vulnerable time it is a perfect opportunity for sincere deep intimacy in our rebuilding. I long for that.

2. Is it imperative to stop viewing porn cold turkey altogether. He says this is his strategy; I just want to make sure this doesn’t set him up for failure because it is too drastic. Do you recommend the cold turkey or the weaning approach?

3. How much should I ask him about his addiction? All trust has been broken and I feel to start to heal I need a firm grasp of what was going on. Or do I? It feels so intrusive to ask him down and dirty questions.

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Guest Post: Porn Induced Partner Trauma

Partner Trauma

This week I have another interesting guest post to introduce.

While there is a large amount of research and treatment available for men addicted to pornography, there is definitely a lack of information for the partner of a porn addict.

Mari A. Lee, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, and Certified Sex Addiction therapist who founded Growth Counseling Services, a private practice recovery center in California, specializes in sexual addiction and partners work. Mari has been working for many years in supporting both the addict and his/her partner in recovery, healing and understanding.

In this guest article, Mari sheds some light on what our partners experience when we lie, deceive and cover up about our porn addiction.

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