7 Tactics to Stop Relapsing and Start Living Your Dream Life

stop relapsing

This is a guest post by Apostol, creator of SlaveToHero, a website dedicated to helping men heal from porn addiction.

Relapsing. That’s one of the major problems that everyone faces while trying to stop porn. Pardon me. It’s not A major – it’s THE Problem that’s stopping everybody from quitting porn. After all – if you stopped relapsing you’ve effectively stopped using porn altogether.

On the other hand – we’re all intuitively accepting relapsing as a problem and a negative thing. “I really tried to stop porn but I relapsed – therefore I’m a failure!” But if you think a little bit deeper into the understanding of what relapsing is – we’ll find out that relapsing actually became a “thing” only when we decided to stop using porn. Before that we had no concept of “relapsing” at all.

But why do we accept it as a negative? Why do we start feeling bad about ourselves when we relapse? Why do we start feeling that guilt, shame and helplessness?

Because we don’t understand it and we have unreasonable expectations about ourselves and the whole process of recovery. You see – relapsing can not be a problem if you think about it as a part of the solution. The fact is – if you really have porn addiction and you’ve had it for a long while(if you’re like me – for years) – you won’t be able to stop it all at once. Chances are that the brain circuits that make you unconsciously want to watch porn have developed for a long while and have become so strong that you won’t be able to weaken them all at once. So maybe – just maybe – relapsing is not the problem that you think it is – but it’s more a part of the solution – it’s part of the healing process. So my tactic no.1…Continue Reading

Porn And Infidelity – Is There A Link?

infidelity

This is a guest post by Helen, a former healthcare worker who now writes about relationships, gender issues and health.

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With the growth in and increasing availability of online pornography, many people are starting to think more deeply about the issues associated with it. Within Europe, the debate tends to focus upon the psychological effects use of online pornography has on young and sexually inexperienced people, and what it may mean for their future sex lives. The discussion in the USA, meanwhile, focuses upon that old American obsession – sexual morality. A growing area of concern is a potential link between porn use and infidelity – or whether porn usage itself constitutes infidelity.Continue Reading

Porn and Porn Induced ED: One Woman’s Perspective

girl

I recently had a great conversation with a female friend of mine named Sarah, where I told her about this website and my problems with porn induced ED in the past. She was very open to talk about it, and after a long chat, suggested that she write an article about how she felt about the whole thing. She even went so far as to get a few of her girlfriends together to ask their opinions.

For her article, I asked Sarah to answer a few questions on the topic of porn and PIED, namely:

-Her reaction when we talked about PIED
-How she feels about porn
-What women think/feel when a guy can’t get it up
-The importance of communication about sex between partners
-Insights from a female perspective about healing

 

I’ll let Sarah take it away:

After meeting Brian a few weeks ago, I just couldn’t wait to get home and browse his site in order to get more information on PIED. I remember that as he was telling me about PIED, it struck a nerve and I knew that a number of my friends could and probably would benefit from the knowledge that was being shared with me at that moment.

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Porn-Induced ED is Gone and I Feel Like a New Person: An Interview With Noah BE Church

Noah BE Church speaking at a Mystery Box event

Why did you decide to quit porn? Was there something that triggered it?

I used porn from age 9. Unlike some other boys, nobody exposed me to it, nor was it an accident—I was a horny little kid and sought it out. My use really took off when I was 12 or 13 and got a computer with Internet access in my own room. I escalated quickly to some fairly heinous and socially unacceptable content by age 14. I talked to no one about this. For most of my teenage years, instead of taking risks and putting myself out there to form real connections with real women, I turned to the easy fix of porn and dreamed of the day when I would have real sex. When I was 18 that day came, the culmination of years of hope and expectation. And my dick simply did not work. I felt little to no physical arousal, despite finding my girlfriend at the time very attractive. No matter how many times we tried over the next few months, I was completely incapable of real sex, and I had no idea why.Continue Reading

How To Get Over Performance Anxiety: A Hypnotherapist Shares His Best 3 Tips

Hypnosis

This week I’ve got another great guest post, this time from Mark Tyrrell, a hypnotherapist since 1995 and co-founder of hypnosisdownloads.com.

In this article Mark talks about three things you can do right now to help get rid of performance anxiety.

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Sex can feel like a threat. Even the prospect that it might happen can get some men feeling on edge. Like they might have to “perform!” And what if they can’t!

Worrying about performance, wanting to “perform” can block the very performance we want.

Seeing sex as a test as something to pass or fail, like a deadline or chore saps the energy, fun and intimacy from it.

When sex stops feeling like a performance, like meeting some standard or passing some test  it becomes again what it should be, a most wonderful, exciting, body and mind focussing part of life and maybe the time when you and the one you’re with can feel most alive.

After two decades treating, amongst many other things, sexual performance anxiety in both men and women here are my top three tips:

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The Effects of Internet Porn on Male Sexual Performance

Argument

This is a guest post by Larry O’Connor, a Marriage and Family Therapist with offices in San Fransisco and Palo Alto.

Many men view internet porn sites, but for some there are risks: becoming habituated, seeking more explicit material, diminishing their ability to connect with partners, achieve arousal, and maintain an erection.

Whether or not an addiction, the habitual viewing of porn is a process of learning how to respond to a specific stimulus which, in turn, progressively increases repetition. This is because the brain, having plasticity, is designed to learn by responding to pleasurable or rewarding experiences, which results in creating new, and preferential neural pathways, so these experiences are quicker and easier to retrieve in the future.

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How The Simple Habit Of Exercise Can Help You Overcome Porn Addiction

Man Exercising Push-Up

The following is a guest post by my friend Mark B. — Brian.

I have been there; I write from the heart and write from my own experience. I once had an addiction to porn. It wasn’t what I thought was massive, but no matter how small you see how big it actually is. So don’t kid yourself.

One of the ways that I found I could escape the temptation of porn — over and above putting all the security blocks and fancy software in place — was to have a healthy, fresh and clear mind and of course be alert to my surroundings. To achieve this two things are needed: a healthy diet and some exercise. Both of these now form part of my daily routine.

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What I Learned Going 230 Days Without Porn

lessons-learned

**This is a guest post from a reader named Dylan, who went 230 days without porn. — Brian

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Let me be real with you: doing things we don’t want to do sucks. And doing things that are painful…that’s even worse. So, why bother?

It would be very easy to shower you with platitudes and clichés, which I have grown accustomed to receiving myself, but that demeans the severity of our situation: we want change or, at the very least, we think we want change (and that’s still a step in the right direction). Addiction is all about comfort. It’s temporary pain-relief that places us in long-term debt. Before we know it, we’re in deep.Continue Reading

How To Overcome Performance Anxiety In Bed (Plus: A Woman’s Perspective)

Performance Anxiety In Bed

You may be a pretty confident man over-all. There’s nothing wrong with your techniques and delivery, and you’ve been with girls who’ve gushed about your sexual prowess.For some reason though, things are just not going your way, and when I say your way, I mean, things are just not looking up for you, in the least bit.

Living with performance anxiety is not easy.

It’s something that can tear away at your confidence little by little, making it harder to face sexual activities each and every time. Most importantly, it can put a lot of strain on otherwise happy and fulfilled relationships.

The first thing to know is that it’s actually pretty common. No, you’re not broken and yes, you can overcome this terrible development.

ED (erectile dysfunction), PE (premature ejaculation), and DE (delayed ejaculation) are all common sexual anxiety related issues and often have psychological origins.

It’s always a good idea to check out your lifestyle too, though, as this could be a factor in your performance anxiety. Things like stress, lack of exercise, body weight and even a bad diet can make a huge difference and add or detract from your sexual performance. However, far and above the rest, it seems that sexual performance anxiety stems pretty much directly from a concern related to sexual intimacy.

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