7 Tactics to Stop Relapsing and Start Living Your Dream Life

stop relapsing

This is a guest post by Apostol, creator of SlaveToHero, a website dedicated to helping men heal from porn addiction.

Relapsing. That’s one of the major problems that everyone faces while trying to stop porn. Pardon me. It’s not A major – it’s THE Problem that’s stopping everybody from quitting porn. After all – if you stopped relapsing you’ve effectively stopped using porn altogether.

On the other hand – we’re all intuitively accepting relapsing as a problem and a negative thing. “I really tried to stop porn but I relapsed – therefore I’m a failure!” But if you think a little bit deeper into the understanding of what relapsing is – we’ll find out that relapsing actually became a “thing” only when we decided to stop using porn. Before that we had no concept of “relapsing” at all.

But why do we accept it as a negative? Why do we start feeling bad about ourselves when we relapse? Why do we start feeling that guilt, shame and helplessness?

Because we don’t understand it and we have unreasonable expectations about ourselves and the whole process of recovery. You see – relapsing can not be a problem if you think about it as a part of the solution. The fact is – if you really have porn addiction and you’ve had it for a long while(if you’re like me – for years) – you won’t be able to stop it all at once. Chances are that the brain circuits that make you unconsciously want to watch porn have developed for a long while and have become so strong that you won’t be able to weaken them all at once. So maybe – just maybe – relapsing is not the problem that you think it is – but it’s more a part of the solution – it’s part of the healing process. So my tactic no.1…Continue Reading

3 Research-Backed Tips to Control Sexual Performance Anxiety

Performance Anxiety Research

You may have experienced unwanted thoughts popping into your head when things start to get sexual:

“What if I don’t get an erection?”
“What if I’m not good and she tells her friends?”
“She’s probably been with guys that are bigger and better than me.”
“What if I go soft when I go to put the condom on?”

Well, you’re not the only one. Most guys will experience performance anxiety at some point in their lives.

So how do we STOP these thoughts from running havoc on our sex lives?  For starters, it helps to learn about the brain and the factors that can compound sexual anxiety. Continue Reading

The Most Important Tool For Overcoming Sexual Performance Anxiety

Overcome Performance Anxiety

I get a lot of emails asking about how I overcame sexual performance anxiety. And I’ve found a few tried and true strategies that have helped guys that I’ve been coaching , so I want to share them.

First off, let’s figure out if it’s actually performance anxiety that we’re dealing with.

How do I know if I have performance anxiety?

A lot of guys out there think that they are dealing with porn-induced ED, when in fact they are dealing with sexual performance anxiety.

Here is a test that you can do to find out:

  1. Do you have trouble getting an erection when you’re alone with a woman, but you can get an erection by touching yourself (without porn) in the comfort of your home?
  2. Do you sometimes lose your erection when you’re with a woman – especially your first or second time with her?
  3. Do you find yourself worried about whether you’ll be able to get an erection when the time comes?
  4. Do you avoid sexual encounters because you worry that you might not be able to perform?

If you answered ‘yes’ to some or all of these questions, then you likely are suffering from sexual performance anxiety.

(Note: With porn-induced ED, the erections you get by yourself without porn just aren’t as strong as the erections with porn.  Or in extreme cases, you can’t get an erection at all without porn.)

Now let me ask you this:

  • Do you wish you could have great sex every time, and not have to worry?
  • Do you wish that you could freely have one-night stands without having to worry about whether your penis would work or not?
  • Do you wish that you weren’t dealing with this?

I’ll tell you: I feel for you, because I’ve been there.  But I’ll also say that it is 100% possible to overcome this.  I did it, and you can too.

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Kegel Excercises For Men: Benefits, Tips and How To Do Them

male kegels

When you hear the word Kegels, you might think “aren’t they those exercises for women?”.

True, this simple little exercise has saved many women from reversing unwanted stretching and urinary issues after giving birth.

What you may not know is that Kegels are not just beneficial for women; the exercise can do wonders for men too.Continue Reading

Porn And Infidelity – Is There A Link?

infidelity

This is a guest post by Helen, a former healthcare worker who now writes about relationships, gender issues and health.

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With the growth in and increasing availability of online pornography, many people are starting to think more deeply about the issues associated with it. Within Europe, the debate tends to focus upon the psychological effects use of online pornography has on young and sexually inexperienced people, and what it may mean for their future sex lives. The discussion in the USA, meanwhile, focuses upon that old American obsession – sexual morality. A growing area of concern is a potential link between porn use and infidelity – or whether porn usage itself constitutes infidelity.Continue Reading

I Found Out My Husband (Boyfriend) Is Addicted To Porn: What To Do Next

Husband Addicted to porn

(This post was written by Sarah, who writes on women’s issues surrounding porn addiction and relationships.)

Addiction is never easy to deal with – let alone one as misunderstood as a porn addiction. Despite the evidence that porn can become an addiction for some people, the majority of people out there still don’t recognize that it can lead to big problems. Until recently, many people pushed the issue of porn addiction under the umbrella of religious puritanism, hoping to bolster the argument that porn is only a problem if there is a moral issue behind it.

We now know that it boils down to much more than values and beliefs. And yet there is still no real focus on the partners who suffer from the havoc that a porn addiction can cause in a relationship. Porn addictions can indeed ruin relationships, wrongly shape lives and kill intimacy and affection toward each other.

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Porn and Porn Induced ED: One Woman’s Perspective

girl

I recently had a great conversation with a female friend of mine named Sarah, where I told her about this website and my problems with porn induced ED in the past. She was very open to talk about it, and after a long chat, suggested that she write an article about how she felt about the whole thing. She even went so far as to get a few of her girlfriends together to ask their opinions.

For her article, I asked Sarah to answer a few questions on the topic of porn and PIED, namely:

-Her reaction when we talked about PIED
-How she feels about porn
-What women think/feel when a guy can’t get it up
-The importance of communication about sex between partners
-Insights from a female perspective about healing

 

I’ll let Sarah take it away:

After meeting Brian a few weeks ago, I just couldn’t wait to get home and browse his site in order to get more information on PIED. I remember that as he was telling me about PIED, it struck a nerve and I knew that a number of my friends could and probably would benefit from the knowledge that was being shared with me at that moment.

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How to Masturbate Correctly for Men, Part 2: Relax and Take it Slow

Masturbation tips for men

Recap from Part 1

In Part 1 of How To Masturbate Correctly, we looked at why the widespread availability of high-speed internet porn has been creating problems for young men. Namely, why the way most of us masturbate with porn leads to unrealistic expectations, negative self-talk and performance anxiety. In other words, why the way you’re likely doing it can be bad for your erections and performance during REAL sex.

Now, I know there’s plenty of guys out there who have no problems surrounding masturbation and sex. But if you’re reading this blog or searching for “how to masturbate correctly”, chances are you are experiencing some sort of problem.

So now that we’ve looked at what’s wrong with the way most of us masturbate and the associated problems, let’s look at what we can do to fix this.Continue Reading

Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction: A Complete Guide

man

A growing 21st century problem for many young men

Porn-induced ED is no longer a myth. People all over the world are starting to realize just how toxic a porn addiction can be and it’s hitting a certain group of men harder than others.

It’s no joke: porn induced sexual dysfunction is on the rise and those most at risk are young men. Millennials are being severely affected by their porn addictions and their recovery rates are significantly lower on average than those of middle-aged or older men. That’s not to say that the older generations are home-free of the same devastating problems caused by too much internet porn. Rather, it’s that older men with a history of healthy sex are often recovering much faster from their porn-induced sexual dysfunction.

To get a better picture of the problem at hand and for those of you who are only just learning about the problem of PIED, we’ll start at the beginning.

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